411. The Myth Of The Nice Guy Syndrome

The Myth Of The Nice Guy Syndrome

"A typical nice guy is perceived to put the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, and generally acts nicely towards women." 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy

This description makes a guy attractive as a long-term monogamous partner.   In spite of this, there are countless web pages spreading the myth, that women prefer jerks and that there were something wrong with the nice guys.   

I disagree with this myth.  The problem is much more complex.

1.  Evolutionary biology.

Subconscious instincts for choosing a mate have most probably the same strength for men and women.  But they differ in which instinct is predominant.   The average man's predominant instinct is the recurrent need for sexual homeostasis.  The average woman's predominant instinct is the urge to procreate.   
As a consequence, man's instincts are indiscriminately focused upon a momentary use of any female body.    Woman's procreative instincts are selective and focused upon the genetic fitness and abilities as a long-term provider for their progeny.   
This causes the natural asymmetry of men as predators frequently approaching a variety of prey and getting rejected regularly.   Monogamy reduces the predator prey problem only for those, who are committed couples.    

2.  Attitude towards women.

  
Jerks and nice guys share the same instinctive automatic reaction of consciously or subconsciously drooling over women's bodies, especially when they are not in any relationship.    But their attitude, moral and value system are fundamentally different.

Nice guys respect women.   They take them for serious, they take a no for a no, they respect a woman's wishes and they are honest.  
 

Jerks do not respect women.   They consider them as existing to be used at their convenience.   Jerks feel entitled to use a woman's body by hook or crook.   If a woman rejects the undisguised attempts to be used as a one-night object, jerks lie and manipulate, until they have made the woman yield by the false belief to have found a long-term mate.  

3.  Female stupidity is one cause of the myth.  

Therefore nice guys' observation, that the jerks get the women and they themselves are left over, is not caused by female preference but by their stupidity.   The claim, that women prefer the jerks, is a myth.   This myth is based upon the combination of the jerks' emotional psychopathy of ruthlessly tricking women and the women's stupidity, immaturity and inability to avoid being tricked into a jerk's bed.  

4.  Nice guys' stupidity is the second cause of the myth. 

Those nice guys, who experience being rejected too often, are also in a way stupid and/or immature.   They do not choose wisely, whom they approach.   They are not aware, that they are morally superior to the jerks and that they deserve a good woman, who can appreciate them.   They approach indiscriminately all the women, who subconsciously trigger their instincts, no matter if the women do deserve the nice guys or not.   They get rejected too often by unworthy women, and being sensitive, they get discouraged.   

The less someone is intelligent, mature and self-aware, the more he is a helpless and unaware victim of uncontrolled instincts.   This is true equally for men and for women.   

     
5.  Business

Markets for goods and services grow, where there is a demand and where there is money to buy the goods or services, that are not available for free.   

Men's instinctive needs for recurrent sexual homeostation, which are not met due to the asymmetry between male and female instincts, have created a market of sold services.     This is enhanced by the fact, that financial power has traditionally been controlled by men.   

For jerks, the market sells prostitution and pornography.  This is based upon the conscious acceptance of using women as commodities and merchandise.     

For nice guys, there is also a market, which has been created by PUA (pick-up-Animals) trainers, who are propagating the myth, which they describe as the nice-guy-syndrome.   They have created this market by deliberately blaming the failure of nice guys to find a mate on an alleged deficiency in their personality and behavior,
  
These trainers take advantage of the nice guys to make money, because nice guys have also an urge for sexual homeostation, but they are too decent to even consider buying the use of women's services as a commodity like jerks do.  
These trainers are a big fraud.   The methods to successfully lure a woman into bed for temporary abuse of her body and the methods to successfully get involved into long-term monogamous commitment are very different.    The temporary use is based upon disrespect for women, commitment is based upon respect for women.  
These fraudulent trainers are themselves successful jerks unable to even value or appreciate monogamy.   Instead they make the nice guys believe, that they can learn how to be successful to find a woman for the long-term monogamous relationship they really want by paying for the training of how to become a jerk and learn the tricks how to gain access to the use women's bodies.  
Just as a disrespecting jerk is unable to be committed in monogamy, also a respecting nice guy cannot apply disrespectful behaviors for the respectful goal of commitment.    

Therefore as long as a nice guy continues to respect women, jerk training does not do him any good.   While he may suffer less from outright rejections, he will instead suffer more from painful entanglement of failed relationship with incompatible women.  

6.  Tit-for-tat strategy:

True love and affection are reciprocally interdependent.    Perceived affection and care reinforce and strengthen affection.   Therefore a healthy mature relationship is based upon the proactive tit-for-tat strategy.   Each partner gives as much affection, care, benevolence as a first step, hoping to reinforce the other's genuine wish to give as much back.    This of course is based upon a careful choice of a compatible partner.   This means, that they reciprocally appreciate what they get, because it is congruent with their real needs, wishes, tastes, interests.  

When both partners are guided by this principle, they have a good chance to find committed long term happiness.   But if only one partner gives first, and the other is selfish and takes advantages, this leads to a lot of suffering for the nice partner.    

The constellation of the mismatch of selfish, abusive jerk and a giving woman is unfortunately so common, that nobody ever has called it a nice woman syndrome and nobody has ever offered a training to convert nice women into jerks.    Feminism teaches women to claim equality, not to become selfish jerks.  

But when the man is the perfect caring nice decent guy, who has the bad luck of being rejected by stupid immature women, then fraudulent jerks attempt to manipulate him to pay money to become like them.      

A nice guys is just right as he is.   All he needs to do is choose the right woman, who appreciates him and who gives him in return, what he gives her.  

I am such a woman.   I appreciate only nice guys.  

407. Promiscuity Is The Real Cause Of Romance Scams

Promiscuity Is The Real Cause Of Romance Scams

"New online research led by the University of Leicester reveals that over 200,000 people living in Britain may have fallen victim to online romance scams"

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/09/110927192347.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily%2Fscience_society+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Science+%26+Society+News%29

I claim, that the success of online romance scams is caused by the difference between what is available and what men are looking for driven by their instincts.    Male animal instincts and promiscuity are the cause of the scammers' success.    If the same portion of women as of men would want or accept flings instead of commitment, if there were an equilibrium of both genders looking for the same kind of relationships, there were no successful scammers.  

The basic of market economy is the simple fact, that the more something is scarce, the more people are willing to pay for it.  Nobody would pay for what is free and plentiful.  By their innate animal instincts, men have a much higher need for sexual homeostasis by using indiscriminately any haphazard female body than what is available for free.    

Therefore men can get sexual homeostation by force, manipulation or earn it, but it is not freely available.    They can 'buy' homeostation by giving a decent woman what she wants, monogamy, commitment, reliability.   They can otherwise buy homeostation by paying money.   Men with enough money and/or who are lacking the qualities to be accepted by a monogamous women prefer to just buy homoestation by money.   The flourishing markets of prostitution and pornography provide ample evidence of this.    If women were as promiscuous by instinct as are most men, there were no market.  

Unfortunately the tolerance and even positive general acceptance of promiscuity blurs the fact, that it is a man's problem, which is detrimental to women.     But the media responsible for the brainwashing of people are usually dominated by men.  Often they are influential enough to brainwash even women to lose all awarenes of what is beneficial and what is detrimental for themselves.  
Men's affliction to need sexual homeostasis is bad enough as it is by causing urges.   But the oversexation and growing tolerance and condoning of promiscuity in many modern societies has done a lot of damage even to men themselves, who deprive themselves of what would be most beneficial for them long-term.  I described this in entry 404 about men's marshmallow test.    

Many men, who are ignorant of evolutionary biology, have been brainwashed to believe the myth, that women are only repressed from being as promiscuous as men.    Instead of earning homeostation by self-control and monogamy, they annoy decent women with their attempts to use their bodies and then they are surprised to get rejected.    The tragedy of this myth is that the men, who project their own promiscuity upon women, are deprived of the awareness of the emotional damage of promiscuity upon monogamous women.    The women, who are brainwashed by this myth, are even more pathetic, because until they know better by experience, they reinforce men's belief in this myth.   


1.  Men as targets.

Scammers are taking advantage of this market situation.  Their male bait are bodies of women, that make the targets drool over their pictures.   The targets are made not only to believe to be able to buy the gratitude of the bait, but also to buy more control over her than they can expect to gain over women from their own country.   

2.  Women as targets.  

Being a woman, I myself have been either contacted by hundreds of scammers or have seen their profiles.   The scammers' baits are the fiction of monogamous, committing men, who have the morals and self-control not to be promiscuous.   Their targets are especially elderly lonely women, whom they expect to be most prone to have money and to be of a generation less tolerant to the uncommitted use of women's bodies.   
I know, how to recognize them, mainly because they are lacking the intellectual capacities of mature university educated men and because their fiction is created to attract their more typical targets, who are religious breeders.     
Those many men, who are brainwashed to believe in the myth of female promiscuity, express in their profiles not only, that they are looking for a long term relationship, but also their wish or willingness to have flings, non-strings-attached fun, friends with benefits and such.    They are ignorant, that this way they are repulsive to decent women and drive them to prefer the scammers.   The targets get attracted by the bait of the profiles of those fictitious monogamous men, who seem to be the rare pearls in the gutter of promiscuity.   Tragically they are scammers instead.   

In entry 101 I already declared promiscuity as a scourge of humanity.   Male promiscuity and the male delusion of female promiscuity are also enabling the romance scams.  That is one more reason to call it a scourge.