I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

14. Threat and Fear

Threat and Fear

In some dating-site questionnaire, I was asked, what I was afraid of. My reply was along these lines:
I am afraid of wild animals like bears, and of men, who are animals, because their instincts are stronger then their rational self-control. With both, I have no chance to defend myself in a rational communication, and that makes me helpless and leaves me unprotected.

The average man is physically stronger than the average woman. That means, the average man is stronger than the majority of women, and the average woman is weaker than the majority of men. This has dire consequences for women. Average men are born with the means to physically force their will upon average women, who are unable to defend themselves as long as they do not use weapons.

When a man abstains from actually using his physical advantage, it is his deliberate choice. Even when laws are there to protect women, it is still his choice to risk punishment or behave according to the law. He really has a choice to use his advantage or to accept equality and behave accordingly. A woman does not have any choice to ever stop an individual man from using physical force on her. The only choice, that she has under favorable circumstances, is the attempt to get away from him or to avoid ever getting near him.

Physically, I am not very strong, I would not have much chance to defend myself against being beaten up. I know this, and a man would know it immediately. Any man, who feels entitled to dominate, makes me cringe, when he gets angry and into rages, when I resist his dominance. Even when he never gets physically violent, the sheer knowledge of the combination of his entitlement delusion and his physical strength makes me perceive anger as a threat of violence. Whatever reasons make him control himself and not beat me, it is not the value of respecting me, but the fear of consequences. That is not enough to feel safe.

Even if I would accept a relationship to be a power struggle, where I might in many ways have equal means and weapons to fight, a man would always have that one ultimate weapon, that only he has: Physical violence. I would have lost a power struggle before even starting it.

Only someone, who is in his own value system aspiring for the ERCP would not even want to dominate, and he would not be a subtle threat. Only with a man, who has nothing of value for him to gain by power, could I feel save and in an emotional home.