I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

You Can Help Me To Find My Hidden Mindmate

You Can Help Me To Find My Hidden Mindmate  

My mindmate to be found is probably someone living somewhere the hidden life as a lonely maverick and recluse, whose social contacts tend to be superficial, because he is so different, that he feels separated by a mental abyss from the more average people surrounding him.  
While he craves to have a woman like me in his life, while he desperately longs to share his life with someone similar to himself, he has already been too discouraged to keep on actively searching.  
Such a man has family members, neighbors, colleagues, sport buddies, who may have sympathy for and compassion with his plight of loneliness.  But this is not enough.  They should care more and actively help to find someone for him, someone like me.  
They should bring him into contact with me, when having found this blog.   But in spite of between 500 and 1000 page views a month and the entries into this blog being found by google searches, nobody up to now has ever bothered to do this.  

The following is a lengthy explanation, why under some circumstances being brought into contact by caring people is still the best or even the only way to find a suitable match.

Real life mating is suitable only for a specific kind of people and of relationship goals.   For others it is not.  

When people perceive, consider and accept procreation and physiological needs at least as a significant part of the purpose of a relationship, then for them it makes sense when their choice of a mate is more or less determined by visible physical attributes.   What people call chemistry is the instinctive reaction to prospective mates' bodies.   
Female bodies radiate signals, how healthy their offspring would probably be, male bodies radiate signals of their fitness to protect and provide.  People who accept to be guided by their subconscious perception of such signals can find each other in real life.   
These are the people, who enable the survival of the species.   Their unhappiness and suffering of later discovering to cognitively have nothing in common usually comes after having already procreated.  Therefore this has no impact upon the evolution of their instincts, which are obsolete, as shows the overpopulation of this globe.  By instinct, a human's choice of a mate is not any wiser than that of a bonobo.

The ability to enjoy mental, nonphysical activities and to enhance this form of joy and bliss by sharing intellectual intimacy with a partner is a more recent side effect of the general evolution of the human brain.  The even more recent history of the general availability of complex information and sources for learning adds a lot to this.   Someone with a brain like Einstein could not have achieved what he did, had he been toiling as a farmer 5000 years ago.  

Until less than a century ago, women were not only subtly, but openly and blatantly considered as intellectually inferior to men.  They were not allowed to vote, they were considered to need the control and domination by men.  They were excluded from access to higher education.   They were dwarfed into an artificial inferiority, which was then confounded as being natural and innate.
Therefore throughout history until very recently, the average level of cognitive development of women was considerably lower than that of men.   For the majority of educated men, equally educated women were not available.  
This led to the traditional male segregation of needs.   Men followed their instincts in their choice of a woman, while they turned to their male friends and colleagues for sharing intellectual interests.   These men had no alternative.   Educationally deprived and cognitively dwarfed women did not miss anything in their restricted life as a housewife and mother.   
Those few women, who were intellectual equals, were lucky, when they found a man, who did notice this and appreciate intellectual intimacy.      

In modern western societies today, the discrepancies of education have vanished.   Today any educated man can find an equally educated women, if he is able to enjoy and appreciate intellectual intimacy as an important or even predominant purpose of a relationship and if this is his wish and goal.   
But unfortunately, the traditional gender roles in combination with the power of instincts perpetuate the bias of the male segregated expectations.  While a female body is visible and thus men instinctively react to the perception thereof, the woman's cognitive attributes and qualities are hidden. 
People do not tend to search for something invisible unless they know of or suspect its existence.  The visibility of only a woman's body reinforces men to continue to either underestimate women's brains or else to overestimate themselves, when they themselves lack education and cognitive qualities.
Due to this male bias, when men are motivated to actively search for a relationship, this is predominantly for the fulfillment of physiological needs.


In real life, there is no remedy for this unfortunate bias, unless people would start to wear a profile of all their invisible attributes upon their back.   Therefore real life mating is not a suitable method for those persons, who want a relationship with the focus upon intellectual intimacy. They need a matching method based upon invisible criteria.   This can be achieved by own activity or passively by being helped.  
  1. Actively searching by using web based matchmaking sites and advertisements, newspaper advertisements or agencies.
  2. Caring people presenting prospective partners to each other, based upon knowing each of them.  As long as there is no coercion, this has been over long periods in the history and still is in many societies an excellent method to find a suitable partner.   Today this is rarely done anymore in western societies.   

One of the above mentioned methods is needed by those people, for whom the real life and body based matching is not suitable.   
  • Women feeling repulsion when approached in real life by (near) strangers, who are motivated by physiological needs, and who express their instinctive reaction and attraction to a female body in spite of knowing nothing about the woman's invisible qualities.
  • People, whose identity is defined by statistically rare combinations of subjectively significant and decisive cognitive attributes.  In my case, this includes being monogamous, childfree, atheist, skeptic, university educated.  
    Would such people attempt to follow the slow real life process, starting to get to know someone after having noticed physical attraction until discovering the first dealbreaker, would they repeat this procedure until they find someone cognitively compatible, a life expectancy of a 1000 years may not suffice for many.  This procedure is not realistic.  

But especially in my age group, things are even more difficult, because some of the most suitable men may not even be in the reach of a woman's active search.  
  • Those men, whose libido has dwindled, seem to have disappeared from active search on the web.  This is my impression from reading thousands of men's profiles in my age group. Those men, who are actively searching, often not only suffer from unfulfilled physiological needs, but also want only women, who share and appreciate these needs.  Those with little physiological needs seem either not to value intellectual and emotional intimacy as a sufficient purpose for a relationship or else they do not expect, that any woman would want them.
  • Men, who are discouraged, because they do not fit the instinctive requirements of average women and who lack the self confidence and independent thinking to despise instincts and gender roles.   They are often men, who have been rejected for being small, lank, weak or poor, no matter their cognitive qualities.   Logically but unfortunately many have given up the active search after too many rejections.  Now they are hidden, where a woman like me cannot find them.   

If anybody reading this blog knows that hidden mindmate for me, please do not just notice, but do tell him.   You may be happily partnered, you may even be unhappily partnered.   
But he is lonely and I am lonely.  
With your help, this plight and misery could end, would you bring us together.