684. What Partner Seeking People Can Learn From Monozygotic Twins

684.  What Partner Seeking People Can Learn From Monozygotic Twins

In men's profiles, again and again I am reading statements, which express the preference for someone more different then alike.   Implicitly or explicitly expressed is the belief, that the attraction of opposites were the best strategy for finding a match and the apprehension of getting bored with a clone of the own person. 

But there is living evidence for the benefits of being like two birds of a feather:  

Monozygotic twins raised by the same people are as much alike as can be.   Do they get bored with each other?   I very much doubt it, based upon what I have been hearing and reading about the especially close and strong lifelong bond of such twins.  

This apprehension of getting bored is also not logical.
 

If one person enjoys something of personal interest like an art exhibition or a theater play alone, sharing such activities does not make them less interesting, to the contrary, the sharing enhances the joy.   And when both contribute initiatives for more such activities, it could even reduce the risk of boredom. 
Comparing notes, pointing out observations, sharing thoughts and agreeing can be at least as interesting, rewarding and fascinating as controversial debates.  But agreement enhances harmony, while controversy may lead to antagonism and disruption.

If anything leads to boredom, it is the consequence of those compromises, by which one partner reluctantly participates in the other's favorite activities.   If a man in this situation is content to pursue his interests instead with his buddies, not even missing the sharing with his mate, then this indicates the degrading attitude, that a woman is only a body to be used and not a significant companion.    
Thus, whenever a man puts emphasis on the attraction of opposites, this is a red flag,  It could indicate a man prone to objectify women.  

The ideal prerequisite for long term happiness is the combination of being mentally as similar as possible, but (in the case of straight couples) having complementary bodies.   If any attraction of opposites is acceptable, it has to be restricted to only concerning physical and visible aspects.   

681. Strong Instincts Are Women's And Men's Common Enemy

681.  Strong Instincts Are Women's And Men's Common Enemy
 

This blog may appear biased, because I am a woman writing about what kind of a mindmate I am looking for.  Thus I am focusing upon the harm done by men's strong instincts to women, which I want to prevent myself from suffering, while the damage done by foolish and also instinct driven women to men does not concern me.   

This omission is no denial of the reality, that both masculinity and femininity as expressions of instinctive roles, which are equally dysfunctional for individual happiness.  

Male and female instincts have evolved in the animal ancestors to complement each other for an optimized success of procreation.  These instincts force people to make both themselves sacrifices for their offspring and they force them also upon others.  By these instincts, personal sufferings does not impede procreation.  
High instinctivity leads to a high identification with and display of masculinity in men and of femininity in women.  The instinctive urges cause different varieties of harm to the other gender.   Masculinity leads to the abuse women's bodies without attachment and commitment.   Femininity leads to the exploitation of men as providers by choosing attachment only to the children.
 

The instinctive attractions are often symmetrical, men with high instinctivity expressed as strong masculinity are attracted to women with high instinctivity expressed as strong femininity and vice versa.    In this case, the most abusive men fall for the most exploitative women and the most exploitative women are also the most prone to become victims of abuse by a bad choice.

But whenever there is a mismatch in the amount of instinctivity, then the partner with the stronger instinctivity is very prone to hurt and harm the less instinctive and more rational person, who does not reciprocate due to not being equally driven by instinct to cause harm.   

Thus, a battle between the genders is irrational.  Both genders have one common enemy, which is the subconscious power of animal instinctive forces over them, of which they are unfortunately usually not even aware.   If both genders would learn to reject, repress and fight against all instincts, which hurt and harm others, then male abuse and female exploitation could be if not eliminated then at least drastically reduced.  

 

Masculinity and femininity are not needed for the forming of bonded and committed couples.   The biological and therefrom deducted behavioral differences between the genders are only biologically needed for procreation.   Strong instincts only serve the compulsive production of offspring overriding any rational decision for or against breeding as a mere choice.  

There is evidence, that the difference between masculinity and femininity is obsolete for couples' happiness, when couples bond as individuals and not as breeders.  This evidence are all those lesbian and gay couples, who are getting married, where this is legal, and who are able and motivated to form longterm bonded unions based upon intellectual, emotional and physical intimacy.  

These couples can be a model for a new form of heterosexual couples, who also are focusing on equality in spite of belonging to different genders.   

When procreation is not the goal, then egalitarian models of choosing and preferring similarity are a rational option for all couples, also for heterosexual ones.   This includes the option to choose psychologically androgynous partners with only a low instinctivity towards being masculine or feminine.   

The happiness in a committed union of two individuals does not require any differences.  If only differences would attract each other, then twins, even identical twins, could not be so strongly bonded and attached as they often are.   Two persons, who are very much alike each other, could become attached like twins, with the addition of physical intimacy.