I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

55. My Reasons to Distinguish Between Male Humans and Male Animals

My Reasons to Distinguish Between Male Humans and Male Animals

A woman gave me this feedback in an email:
"I don’t know if you are aware that some of your entries give the impression that you despise or even hate men; ... but it may deter a good man to get in touch with you."

Indeed, to deter someone with a wrong impression is about the last thing I would ever want.   The only purpose of this blog is to find a decent compatible partner.  

Therefore I want to made it explicitly clear:   I distinguish two kinds of men, those who are predominantly animals, and those who are predominantly humans.   The humans to me are those of categories 3 and 4 in entry 54.   

I declare, that I consider the true human men as very precious and I am longing and impatient to find one to share my life with.    But I do loathe and despise the male animals.

My reason for this distinction are based upon personal experience, not quantified anecdotal evidence and scientific evidence.    

1.   Personal experience.
When I was younger, I travelled alone through Mediterranean countries.    I was interested in the culture and in the life of the people.    So I was interested to talk to people.   But it was just not possible with any man.    I just was prey to their instincts.    I attempted as much as I could to avoid triggering instincts.   In fact, I did everything possible to make myself as antisexy as possible, wearing  jeans or bermudas at least down to the knee and t-shirts three sizes larger than the jeans, nontransparent and closed to the neck.    In spite of all my efforts, it has even happened to me to walk in bright day light through a park, and one of those animals walked up to me and whispered a sum of money into my ear.    I spat in front of the feet of that animal.   
I felt so disheartened, that there was just nothing, I could do to protect my dignity against being treated as a mere body.   I felt so helpless, that I could do nothing to avoid triggering instincts.   
Now I am old enough that the young animals ignore me, and the animals of my own age have reached a phase in their life, when their worst urges usually have calmed down.   But if someone would have hurt my pride at a younger age, he still is the same animal with the same disgusting attitude to consider it acceptable to use a woman's body as a utility for his instincts.    I do not want to get involved with a calmed down animal without knowing it, I want a human man, who never had the attitude to use a woman's body.    Just as I would not want a liar, who only does not lie, because he cannot lie any more after having lost his voice.  

2.  Not quantified anecdotal evidence.
On dating sites, there is a choice of what kind of relationship people are looking for.   Some sites include an option for 'intimate encounters', 'no strings fun' and similar expressions.     It is very discouraging to see, that on those sites, the majority of men choose such options at least as an additional option while also searching for a long term serious relationship, if it is not their only goal.    After noticing this, I started to get suspicious about the decency of the men on the more serious matching sites, where such disgusting options where not available.   But in the absence of such options, how could I know, if they would choose one if available?   

3.  Scientific evidence.  
Clark/Hatfield: Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers
In two studies, when a woman approaches a stranger saying "I have been noticing you around campus.  I find you to be very attractive." and "Would you go to bed with me tonight?", the majority of men agreed.   In 1978, 75% did, in 1982, 69%.   And those were university students, those who had the best chance to develop their rationality and to learn to respect women as equal intellectual beings.  

After having said all this, I think I better avoid to be misunderstood.   I defend my dignity as a person with a mind with fervor against animals attempting to degrade me to be used as an object.   
But once I know that I am respected, accepted and acknowledged as a person and an equal partner, then I consider integrated intimacy of intellectual, emotional and physical closeness as natural.    Intimacy has to develop in a truly human sequence, first as mindmates, then as emotional mates and as the last step as bedmates.