I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

40. The Importance of Teaching Emotional Intelligence

The Importance of Teaching Emotional Intelligence

Humans have evolved for a life in small groups of people, whom they all knew well as individuals.   People died young, procreation was unavoidable for survival, which also required a lot of hard work.    Social control was strong, hierarchies formed, undisputed rules were compulsory with little need for responsibility.   The difference between ingroup and outgroup was clearly defined.    There was a limited amount of mental stimulation in the environment, and people most probably were usually too tired to reflect too much.    
They had no need to read and write, and they had no need for emotional intelligence.  

In our modern complex societies, the skill of advanced emotional intelligence as a method how to interact with others is as vital as the skill to read and write.   It is time to stop expecting people to become mature and to function successfully in a complex environment, for which evolution has not prepared them.   They need to be prepared better.    Reaching maturity requires emotional intelligence, that they have no chance to learn as early in life as when it is needed.   

Children are taught to read and write at school.   Nobody teaches them emotional intelligence as a skill to become responsible human beings guided by their own moral judgement.  

Children are taught, what the parents, their deity and the law is going to punish and to reward them for.   As far as they ever develop emotional intelligence, they learn in slowly by trial and error, after having already made serious mistakes in basic, life determining decisions.    Children are taught to be aware of consequences of crossing a street without attention, before allowed to do so by themselves.    They are not taught the long term consequences of wrong decisions upon themselves.           

As far, as there is any support, it is only given, after some drastic mistake has already been made, whatever intervention it is, from anti-aggression training in puberty to psychotherapy for people, who are in trouble and pain.

There needs to be prevention.   
Emotional intelligence should be made a subject at school as important as reading, writing and calculation.   
If children from the first grade on were taught communications skills, empathy, introspection to know themselves, their values, needs and peculiarities, awareness and self control, then most of them would be enabled to make wise choices, rational decisions and fair deals with others.   

This could prevent a lot of bullying, juvenile delinquency, psychological dysfunction as a result of choosing an unsuitable mate, having children without wanting them or choosing a career that does not fit their needs.    It could enable people to be more aware, when they are in a detrimental situation, before they have gone sick from it.   It could prevent a lot of people damaging others by ignorance, even when they mean well.    It could prevent some people to become dangerous and teach people to recognize, who is dangerous, so that maybe some damage done by them could be avoided.  

There is nothing wrong with teaching pupils at school geography, chemistry, physics, biology, sports, music, art and so on, but these are subjects, that people can learn about elsewhere, when they are interested, they can study them at university.   But teaching such topics is futile, as long as too many of the pupils go truant, bully their class mates, become delinquent, substance addicted or pregnant during puberty.   
Teaching such subjects to pupils, who are not capable to become mature, is like the attempt to build a house by starting with the second floor but omitting the fundament and the ground floor.