I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

24. Immature Concept of Love

Immature Concept of Love

I suggest to first read: The Myth of Unconditional Love.

Men, who have never grown more mature than puberty sometimes behave, as if the loving relationship with a wife or partner would be the same as with their mother, with physical intimacy added.  

When parents are by instinct attached to their offspring, they usually have accepted the fact, that for a long time the development of children requires one-sided, unconditional love.    Children are completely selfish, narcissistic and unable to take care for any of their needs.    Children make mistakes as a part of growing, and as long as they are not capable to be responsible, they need to be forgiven.   
When they are in puberty, they expect the mother at home to serve food, wash their clothes, to be always present at home, whenever the child wants her to be supported and helped.    When the child leaves the house in the pursuit of his own hobbies and interests, he considers it none of the mothers business, when and where he goes and what he decides for his own life.    This is very unbalanced, the child expects the mother to be always available, while the child does as he pleases.   It is a phase of life, if mature adulthood follows.

When a man grows into maturity, he learns, that with an equal partner, a relationship needs to be based upon the reciprocity of sharing decision, sharing chores, agreement on how to spend time together or alone, consent and consultation how to organize life.
Unfortunately, some men never reach that stage of development, instead they leave behind a mother, who has done enough, to exchange her for a mother with benefits.   

But beware, if a woman like me searches for a partner capable and willing to be part of an ERCP relationship, then she is not the motherly kind, who willingly would take over the role of a mother with benefits.