Reciprocity and Mutuality
This blog is about my personal search for a mindmate, focusing on what I want and what I do not want in a relationship. I may appear as detached and factual as if writing advice for others, and I am sometimes generalising. But I am writing from my subjective perspective. Therefore I have written a lot about what makes men unsuitable, what behavior I require from a man and what I do not accept. It may appear as if I were demanding more than I were willing to give.
Therefore it is time to declare explicitly: Whatever I want, it is based on my acceptance of reciprocity and mutuality. This means, that every time I mention something that I require of someone, I check the reciprocal position. I ask myself, if I am able to give and to do the same for the other.
This is the core of the egalitarian principle, of a symmetrical relationship based upon reciprocity. I expect in return, what I am able and willing to give. What I cannot give, I do not expect.
That principle can only work, when people share their basic values. The values determine, what someone wants from a relationship and what someone is willing to give and to invest.
If one expects and demands, what the other cannot give, these two person are not compatible and should not get involved.
A relationship can work, when both take responsibility to do their fair share in the balance of giving and taking. It is part of taking responsibility for the own actions as explained in entry 146.
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Later Addition: I gave this entry the title 'Reciprocity and Mutuality' and I omitted the reason, why I used both words. Both are describing the symmetry of giving and receiving something. But in my understanding, there is a difference. Mutuality means doing the same thing to each other at about the same time. Reciprocity is more generally returning a favor with a different favor, and there can be a long delay between.
Exchanging gifts for christmas is mutuality, gifts to each other's birthday are reciprocity.
This blog is about my personal search for a mindmate, focusing on what I want and what I do not want in a relationship. I may appear as detached and factual as if writing advice for others, and I am sometimes generalising. But I am writing from my subjective perspective. Therefore I have written a lot about what makes men unsuitable, what behavior I require from a man and what I do not accept. It may appear as if I were demanding more than I were willing to give.
Therefore it is time to declare explicitly: Whatever I want, it is based on my acceptance of reciprocity and mutuality. This means, that every time I mention something that I require of someone, I check the reciprocal position. I ask myself, if I am able to give and to do the same for the other.
This is the core of the egalitarian principle, of a symmetrical relationship based upon reciprocity. I expect in return, what I am able and willing to give. What I cannot give, I do not expect.
That principle can only work, when people share their basic values. The values determine, what someone wants from a relationship and what someone is willing to give and to invest.
If one expects and demands, what the other cannot give, these two person are not compatible and should not get involved.
A relationship can work, when both take responsibility to do their fair share in the balance of giving and taking. It is part of taking responsibility for the own actions as explained in entry 146.
___________
Later Addition: I gave this entry the title 'Reciprocity and Mutuality' and I omitted the reason, why I used both words. Both are describing the symmetry of giving and receiving something. But in my understanding, there is a difference. Mutuality means doing the same thing to each other at about the same time. Reciprocity is more generally returning a favor with a different favor, and there can be a long delay between.
Exchanging gifts for christmas is mutuality, gifts to each other's birthday are reciprocity.
