I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, November 22, 2010

158. Hedonist, Epicurean, Relationship - 1

Hedonist, Epicurean, Relationship - 1

A happy deep bonded relationship has its price.   Such a relationship is built by the efforts of two partners investing work and sacrifices cooperating to earn it.   

The higher people value something and the more they feel a need or a desire for it, the higher the price, that they are willing to pay.    This is also true for the price of a relationship with a specific partner.    There are three aspects in this.   The quality of the person, how much she serves the personal need and the scarcity or availability.     

Here is a big difference between a Hedonist and an Epicurean:
The Hedonist wants the woman's function for his physical desires.   He wants her body, her services as a housekeeper, her assets and income, if she has any.   Any woman is suitable for him, who serves his primitive needs.   A woman, who is educated, mature, ethical and intellectual has no more value in his perception than a woman from the gutter, who is illiterate.    The immaterial quality of the woman has no extra value for him, so logically he is not willing to pay any price for a relationship with such a woman.    Women for his simple purpose are plenty, therefore there he has no reason to pay a high price for any of them. 

For an Epicurean, it is the contrary.   He values the quality of a woman, the more she is educated, intelligent, mature, ethical, the more she fulfills his immaterial needs and wishes, the more intellectual benefits she can bring into his life.   Logically, she has more value for him, and he is willing to pay a high price for a relationship with such a woman, while he rejects the woman from the gutter.    He appreciates her, because quality women are scarce.

If he is not a psychopath, a hedonist can go through life without doing too much damage to others, as long as he has only relationships with other hedonists.   Two hedonists can satisfy each other's needs as friends with benefits or even mutually as dogs with benefits and nobody suffers. 
But if a hedonist gets involved with a non-hedonist, then his hedonism makes him a jerk or an emotional moron in the experience of the victim.   It does not matter, if the victim is an Epicurean or any breeder, particle, religious believer of any kind.   What is normal behavior to the hedonist is abuse and degradation for the Epicurean and other non-hedonists.  

The price to invest in a relationship consists of three rates, that can be paid in different currencies.   The first rate is the price to get the person interested, the second is the the price to win the person to enter the relationship, and the third is the price to preserve and improve the relationship. 
Hedonists want everything the easy way, for a low price if not for free, or they rather abstain than pay any price.    If a hedonist has easy money, either from a well paid job, or from an inheritance, pension, even welfare, then he is willing to pay money and buy the woman's acquiescence to get involved.   But there is nothing except money, that he would ever sacrifice for a woman.
As an example, a hedonist would willingly pay for a dinner in a restaurant for a woman, but if he would have to postpone eating and be hungry for an hour to find a restaurant, that the woman likes, he gets aggressive.   He considers the woman only as worth to pay money for her, but not worth enough the personal discomfort of suffering an hour of an empty stomach.
A hedonist is willing to pay, until he has the woman in bed.  From then on, he feels entitled to get the return from his investments.   He has bought his utility, now he wants to use it without paying any further price. 
As already mentioned, if the woman is also a superficial, materialistic hedonist, they may have found mutually a match.   Any other woman is doomed to suffer and the relationship is doomed not to last.      

What price an Epicurean hypoanimalistic man would pay for a bonded relationship with a quality woman will follow in another entry.