I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

9. Time and Money

Time and Money
The proverb says: 'Time is money'. But it is also the other way around. Money is lifetime converted into coins. Every moment, that I invested into earning money, I could not use to do something else, that I might have enjoyed more. I am rather poor, but I am living frugally on what I have earned working.
I am not looking for a rich man to improve my material life. It would be unpleasant to feel like a beggar. I prefer the mushrooms, that I have collected myself in the forest, over the truffles paid by someone else. Only if someone were really compatible as a person, would I attempt to cope with overcoming my reluctance to such an unbalanced situation.
I prefer someone, who knows how to make ends meet and who has some skills in this and who appreciates my such skills.
In such a situation, commitment includes joining resources. If then one partner spends money, no matter from whose account or pocket it comes at that moment, he needs to be aware, that he spends the couple's money and not only his own. If he careless and selfishly wastes money, that partly is his partner's money, he wastes the partner's lifetime, and wasting a person's lifetime is an indirect form of showing disrespect and depreciation for the partner.
Therefore entering a relationship on the ERCP requires to find an agreement on a general policy how to spend money in a way that fulfill the needs of both without wasting someone's hard earned resources.

There are those men, who leave the home at 7 in the morning and are absent till 7 at night or even much later, and then they feel good about spending the money they earn this way on roses, even diamonds and take the women to expensive restaurants in the few hours, that they have for her. This does not interest me at all.
I want someone, who starts the day together with meaningful communication at the breakfast table, go to a museum or for a walk together, buy provisions in the supermarket and make it a picnic in the park.

A mind mate in an ERCP relationship values my company, so he wants to be together, to share his time with me.
If someone would want to spend money on me, but to restrict the time shared with me, this would degrade me to be a paid for utility, and such a role hurts my dignity.

Of course this does not mean that I want to cling together 24 hours every day as the focus of permanent mutual attention. But the togetherness of the couple should be the focus, the center of life. As far as two partners have hobbies and interests, that they do not share, they will need time to engage in them separately. To keep up a meaningful exchange of thoughts, time is needed to read books or stuff on the internet to add new input.

But how to organize a life between doing a lot together and not sacrificing the personal interests is a question to base upon consent. As long as for both, the relationship has priority, agreement can be reached. If a man has his priorities, his work first, his social life excluding the partner second, and then maybe a relationship, then this is a deal breaker, I am not interested to have such a low priority.