I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

18. Choice and Availibility

Choice and Availability

I suggest to read the chapters on Tolerance and on Rationality, Evolution, Neanderthals, Asperger's Affinity first.

I deserve to be chosen, appreciated and accepted, because I am the deep thinking person, who writes this blog.
I refuse to be tolerated as an available substitute by incompatible men in spite of who I am.

The majority of men are driven by high instinctivity, and there is no age limit for men to sire progeny. So by instinct, even seniors (men of my age group around 60 and older) still want a young, healthy, beautiful recipient for their genes. Only this is not reciprocal. As much as high instinctivity women are attracted to men, who are strong, tall, rich and have a high status, they only accept them 15 or 20 years older, if they are extremely rich, powerful or famous, else they prefer someone closer to their age.

But even when they do not wish to have more offspring, high instinctivity seniors are still driven by physical needs to women. There are many high instinctivity women seniors, who had a hard life raising children, some staying with a man, who mistreated them, as a sacrifice for procreation. Their experience in a union of two incompatibles for the purpose of procreation was bad enough to go through once in a lifetime. When they get widowed or divorced, it means relief and they are less inclined to go from the frying pan into the fire.
Therefore, even though in the age group of seniors, women outnumber men, there seem not enough women available for men driven by physical needs.

So here I am, neither ugly nor beautiful, deliberately natural and anti-seductive, never publishing a picture, non-flirtatious, declared emancipated and anti traditional gender roles, but admitting to be lonely, and attracting the contacts of incompatible men like honey attracts flies, no matter what I do to discourage them.

My profiles on the dating-sites are explicit enough, what I want and what I do not want. At my age, there is not so much risk of superficial attraction leading to infatuation strong enough to impede both from directing their focus on the emotional and intellectual intimacy. So being a senior is rather an advantage facilitating a relationship based upon the ERCP.

But those high-instinctivity men only see, that I am available, and since they mainly want a body and consider tolerance as a method to deal with all differences, about which they probably are not bothered at all. From their point of view, I am an old hag, and by my way of thinking and behaving differently, because I am not driven by instincts, I am also weird. They contact me with the condescending tolerance, that a weird old hag should be grateful for being accepted even as a substitute for what they really want.
They are so much driven by their instinctivity and their attitude of tolerating incompatibilities, that they lack any respect to take anything in my own search for serious. They do not consider me as having a brain, who is capable to decide myself, what is good for me. In their weird mind, if a woman is anyhow only a substitute, then it makes no real difference, who she is. If a man of 50 wishes a 30 year old beauty, but cannot have her, then to him it makes not much difference to contact a woman of 50 or of 60 as an available substitute. They expect me to feel pleased to be considered a suitable substitute.
But the most pathetic are the youngsters from the Islamic world, who contact me on french sites, even when they are less than half my age. They obviously have the delusion, that just because they have a young male body, any old woman would be grateful to pay her alleged wealth to have them with her in Europe.

I am sick and tired of being contacted with the condescension of the tolerance of mercy, because I am a senior and different from the majority in my own evaluation, and an old weird hag in their opinion.
If the incompatibility is obvious, they are just a nuisance stealing my time.
But if someone seems acceptable to me, for example by being childless by circumstances instead of child free by choice, and he considers me a substitute to tolerate, then this hurts my pride and my dignity.
The worst nuisance are the dishonest ones with some kind of grandiosity delusion, who believe that if they can lure me by lies and omitting facts into extensive contact, I would sooner or later fall for their irresistible charm and accept the mutual tolerance in favor of their instinctivity.

I want and I deserve to be chosen for who I am and not tolerated as a substitute for what a man really wants but does not see in me.

The kind of man, whom I am looking for, have most probably made the complimentary experiences. High instinctivity women have rejected them as weirdos, nerds or whatever, and they have in vain been looking for a woman like me. Women like me are scarce and hard to find for those, who are compatible. At least some of them might dream of a woman like me, but after searching in vain, they might have given up the active search and are hidden somewhere as reticent and shy mavericks behind a pile of books.