I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

1. My Quest to Find a Mindmate

My Quest to find a Mindmate for the Egalitarian Rational Commitment Paradigm

I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate to grow old together in a relationship based on the egalitarian rational commitment paradigm.

This blog is in English, because in addition of the large number of native speakers, most educated people worldwide speak English as a second language. I am German, and I also correspond in French, Spanish, Italian and Dutch.   My search is worldwide.  In the time of emails, skype and air travel, geographical distances are easier to overcome than mental distance.  

I have profiles on several dating-sites, but a short profile is not enough for a careful choice.  This blog serves as a place to elaborate, what and whom I am looking for.

Should you have found this blog because of a the suggestion on a paying matchmaking site, please note, that I may not be able to read or react to your messages there.   
In this case, please contact me directly.    
My email :

I admit, that I am too lonely to remain unaffected by the disappointment of the delayed discovery of serious dealbreakers.   Some serious dealbreakers do not impede to develop sympathy while corresponding.  It is painful to discover such dealbreakers only after having already started to have the false hope, that my loneliness will end soon.   Therefore it is of paramount importance to embark on the endeavor of discovering the affinities only after having first ascertained the absence of all dealbreakers.   
The main focus of this blog are the explicit and in depth explanations, what I personally consider as dealbreakers and as risks of future dealbreakers.   Of course a potential mate is also expected to check his own dealbreakers with the same scrutiny.   The failure of a relationship hurts equally, no matter, whose dealbreakers were discovered too late.
Someone sincere and with self-awareness, investing enough time to read at least a part of this blog should be able to evaluate rationally, if starting to get to know each other is feasible.

While the objective of this blog is to find my mindmate, I am not restricting my postings to writing only directly about what and who I am looking for.   I am looking at life and society from a view point far outside of the box of religion and procreation.  I have my own personal attitudes about other matters too, where I would wish a mindmate to think along similar lines.   So I am posting about such topics too.

Whatever I write concerns only my own personal quest, I am not making claims about general human traits. Though my world view, which is derived from evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology may appear like claims to people, who are unfamiliar with this subject.
I am omitting to add to every sentence a 'to me', 'personally' or such.
Whoever cannot agree with my concept of the ERCP (Egalitarian Rational Commitment Paradigm) is not a potential mindmate and may peacefully move on.   I welcome comments and questions, which are supportive in helping me to make clarifications or inspire me to write about.   But I will not defend my quest against hostile disagreements.   

The ERCP means a concept for a relationship, that is based on sharing some specific traits, values and principles.  The following list is a basic list, details will be given later.
  1. The shared basic trait is the hardwired predominance in the brain of rationality over instinctivity and gullibility.  This fundamental trait is completely independent from the strength of emotions.  I am very emotional and I do appreciate an emotional partner.  The contrary of rationality is irrationality.   Irrationality can be very detrimental, when it not only determines thoughts, but also actions and behavior, that have an impact upon both partners.
  2. Important shared values are equality and egalitarianism, the balance of giving and receiving, innate monogamy, binding obligations upon entering commitment, and the Epicurean principle of not harming and not be harmed.
  3. The perception of sharing the identity as being two halves of a unit called couple in exchange with the rest of the world.
  4. The relationship is organized using constructive communication with the goal of agreement, consent, convincing.   When two egalitarian partners share all available information and facts and apply logic upon them, they can together reach a common conclusion. Both can be convinced that the solution or plan is fair for both.
I am looking for a partner, whose brain is hard-wired for feeling the most comfortable in an egalitarian commitment without any power struggles of any kind.  I am allergic to men feeling entitled to and attempting to dominate. I do not want to exhaust myself in a power struggle against someone forcing his will upon me or attempting to do so.   When men's brains are hard-wired differently, power struggles in the case of conflicts are unavoidable, even though those men are willing and motivated to be fair partners.

People like my mindmate to be found and like myself are very rare, but we do exist.   Somewhere out there my mindmate is hidden. 

So whoever reads this blog, if you yourself are not my siamese brain, you may at least know a man of my kind, some brainiac, nerd, maverick.   He may be hidden behind a pile of books, someone lonely, shy and reticent, yet dreaming of a woman like me.  He may have given up the hope to find me, having seaced to search.   Please suggest to him to read this blog and contact me.  My email :

These pages give a short overview over my quest: 

Update December 2014:

After having written more than 700 entries I have certainly sufficiently outlined the basics of my thinking.  Anybody considering himself as maybe my mindmate will find enough food for thought.  
Therefore I am shifting my focus.  
  • My starting point were my own subjective experiences and observations concerning men's behavior towards women.   Some of my attempts of explanations thereof were speculative, and I am certainly prone to under- or overestimate effects and to exaggerate sometimes. 
    I am regularly reading several scientific newsletters.   While I am aware of the confirmation bias, I have found a considerable number of scientific studies having some relevance to my own ideas.   I will continue to post, whenever I get aware of any such study.
  • I have started a new blog in German:
    Gehirnorientierte Frau sucht kopfgesteuerten Mann
    This means: Brain Focused Woman Looking For A Head Controlled Man.