I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

What I Offer To A Mindmate

What I Offer To A Mindmate

If someone is my mindmate, and only then, I offer:
  • I am a kind, caring, nice, friendly, affectionate, considerate, warm, loving person for him.   I treat a partner with responsibility and I fulfill the obligations of commitment.    I am motivated to fulfill a partner's needs.    
  • I am an interesting partner contributing initiatives for shared activities and also accepting a partner's initiatives.    An intellectual man will never get bored with me.  
The criteria for who can be my mindmate are elsewhere on this blog. My offer is valid, if, when and as long as there are mutual respect and appreciation based upon considering each other intellectually and morally as equal partners by evaluation of each other's entire personality.  

But I am vulnerable to suffer from some specific behaviors and attitudes, which are a man's choice to either apply or refrain from.    A man has these options. 
  • Option 1.  He is able to consider and perceive me as an equal partner with a brain apt and suitable for his own wish to enter a symmetrical monogamous and bonded commitment.   This is his conscious choice for the personality, as whom I am presenting myself on this blog. 
  • Option 2.   He is brainwashed or driven by instincts to feel entitled to treat and consider every woman as a commodity and utility to serve his own needs at his convenience.   He establishes a hierarchy of domination indiscriminately over every woman, no matter, who she is and what she says or writes.   He does this with me in defiance and oblivion of my personality.     

There are two traps, why a man can first react with a full conscious choice for equality with my person, but regress after getting involved at least subtly to some degrees of option 2.  
It is very important to avoid these traps.   I am too vulnerable to endure option 2 without being seriously harmed.   

Trap 1.  The Wrong Impression

As a real life person, I radiate an external impression, which is incongruent with my subjective identity as being primarily my brain.   Attributes of my body and my looks are not a part of my identity.  
In spite of this identity, I am radiating a very wrong and fatal impression as if I were someone to easily be duped, manipulated and dominated.   I am not radiating any external signs of authority, charisma or strength.  I appear as if anybody could get away with anything.   
I am prone to be underestimated.    This wrong impression makes me appear a suitable  target for those men, who are looking for a helpless, defenseless and inferior woman to be easily subdued to domination as in option 2.   I seem a suitable target for men, whom I do not want.   
This wrong impression can even influence men against their real wish and rational conviction of the importance of equality to fall back to domination.   After respecting me as an intellectual equal companion while reading this blog and corresponding, the wrong impression can bring out the worst in a man.

Trap 2.   I am not a fighting person.  

I cringe from anger and aggression, I can be bullied into external submission and apparent compliance with domination.  Pressure, power and coercion cause me stress and discomfort.    I want harmony, I want the joy of consent, I want rational agreements.   I can only thrive, feel at ease and be a beneficial partner, as long as I am not pulled into any power struggle. 

But a man is very misled, if he mistakes my helpless yielding as if it were an expression of agreement and acquiescence.    It is the contrary.  
A man can easily win the apparent victory of establishing his dominance to the point of enforcing to get all his needs met.  But it is a Pyrrhus victory, that dooms the relationship. 
Successful outward intimidation does not make me inwardly docile.   Domination hurts my dignity so much, that I cannot endure it.   Sooner or later my helpless outrage due to the unjustified humiliation and indignity transforms me into a paralyzed and frozen state.   In this state, no power over me can derive any further benefits from me.
Even when I succeed in resisting power and coercion, even when I defend myself successfully against attempts of domination, I am the one, whose victory is a Pyrrhus victory.    Any power struggle exhausts, stresses and burns me out.  

I have never learned to fight.   I am not at all gregarious.  I am not indiscriminately attracted to people, only to those, with whom I have something in common.   I avoid to be hurt by unsympathetic people by avoiding all contact with them.   I see no reason to fight for receiving appropriate treatment, as long as I have the alternative of avoidance.   
By avoiding to fight, I have also avoided to learn to fight.  The only defense, where I am good at, is rational communication.   I am able to do my share in a fair balance of giving and receiving, when a man is able to solve conflicts by constructive communication.   But if he prefers a power struggle and refuses constructive communication, he is easily able to bully me to get temporarily, what he wants.   It just cannot last, because this destroys the relationship.  

It is a man's choice to dominate and hurt me or to consciously refrain from doing so.  It is his choice.  Whatever he chooses, I am too vulnerable to be dominated.    
I can offer a lot to a mindmate, as long as he is able to avoid to hurt my feelings by indignity and humiliation.   He can avoid it, if he is motivated and communicates.