I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Egalitarian Rational Commitment

The Egalitarian Rational Commitment Paradigm is my personal concept for a relationship.    I can only lead to happiness for someone, who wishes such a relationship by his own personal inclinations and who has an own need for it.   It cannot work for those, who would perceive it as a constraint, curtailing or a loss.

1.  Egalitarian
  • Egalitarian means equality of rights and a fair balance of giving and receiving.   I prefer the tit-for-tat strategy.   As long as I am treated right, I attempt to treat the other also with care, consideration, responsibility and kindness.    I am motivated to do the first step of giving, hoping that the other reacts with giving something back.  
  • Egalitarian means psychological androgynity in complementary bodies in the sense, that two partners are not driven by instincts to follow obsolete behavior patterns of a male predator hunting a female prey as is wired into the animal part of the brain for the purpose of procreation.    Basic human qualities of being guided by ethical principles of sincerity, consideration, responsibility, caring, monogamy and being bound by obligations are not different for each gender.  
  • Egalitarian means the absence of the hierarchy instinct, it means cooperation, agreements and consent instead of power struggles, domination and competition.   
  • Egalitarian means monogamy, one man and one woman with exclusivity.  

2.  Rational
  • Rational matching focuses upon the compatibility of the cognition, of values, attitudes, opinions, convictions, ethical principles.  
  • Rational matching avoids the premature infatuation between bodies as misleading.    Rationality means to be aware of the disruptive effects of animal instincts and the importance of mental control over them.  It means the conscious restriction of instinctive stimulation to the committed partner.    
  • Rationality means the full awareness, that the deliberate exposition to instinctive stimulation by uncommitted female bodies is a form of cheating.   This includes pornography and nudism.    
  • Rational people are atheists and not gullible to any woo-woo.  They do not allow, that the interaction with the partner is disrupted by making and believing claims without giving evidence and without being perceptive to evidence.    
  • Rational solving of conflicts means to communicate logically until reaching consent and agreement based upon shared information.  There is not right or wrong, there is a shared process of reaching agreement by convincing and allowing to be convinced.  
  • Rational matching means to agree upon a relationship deal, before getting involved.   The relationship deal includes explicitly all needs and expectations.  Once the relationship deal is accepted, it is perceived as a binding obligation, that can only be changed by consent.  

3.  Commitment
  • Commitment is the same as a marriage, but without the signature in the town hall.   If there is a formal marriage or not makes no difference in the attitude, significance and obligations to each other.  
  • Commitment begins automatically with the beginning of physical intimacy.   The use of a body without commitment is a violation of the dignity of a person.   
  • Commitment is intrinsic commitment, it means the change of the identity away from being a single person and perceiving oneself as a part of a unit, of being half a couple.    Intrinsic commitment excludes degrading another person to be a friend with benefits, or a pet with benefits or a commodity with benefits.   
  • Commitment as a bonded, devoted couple implies an exclusive closeness, that clearly excludes others.   There can be a social life as an enhancement of the quality of life.  But all friends and acquaintances are an outgroup, only the two partner form an ingroup of special closeness.   All other people are kept at some emotional distance. 
    When there is true intrinsic commitment, then there is not only no physical cheating.   There is also no emotional cheating by emotional entanglement with other persons, neither with too close friends of the opposite gender by one partner nor with a harem of maintained contact with ex-partners.   A truly bonded couple can happily remain childfree. 
  • Commitment implies the priority of the relationship and of the partner over all other matters of life.   The partners are each other's most important person.  
  • Commitment means the sharing of decisions, information, innermost feelings, resources, chores.   It is for better or for worth.    It requires trust and the motivation to give and to accept support.