I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

88. Absurd Dating-Advice

88.   Absurd Dating-Advice

Sometimes I have been reading the advice pages on some dating-sites.   The latest I came across was the advice for men not to appear desperate, not to chase women, but make women chase men.   Others advice to play hard to get and similar expressions.

That sounds to me like an immature children's play attitude.    For serious people in search of a lasting monogamous relationship, such games are very irrational.   

1.   People vary a lot in their personal needs.   For some, a partner has high priority, for others career, friends, hobbies are relatively more important.    For the harmony of a couple, it is important that they are compatible in the mutual importance and priority in life.    To be a good match in this area, it is important that both show in sincerity, what role a partner will have, how much they need a partner.    By playing hard-to-get games, people risk to be mismatches.   One following the advice, hides his true needs with someone, for whom a relationship is not such an important part in life, and they end up very unhappy.

2.   Harmony in a relationship is the result of hard work in solving lots of conflicts.   The older people are, the more.    People act economically.   The more they want something, the more they are willing to pay and to invest.   This is not only the case with material goods, but also with emotional goods and strain, stress and effort as the price.   
If someone is happy alone, and a partner would only bring a little additional benefit to his life, then the relationship has no high value for him and at the first major conflict he just runs away with the illusion to find someone else, where there are less conflicts.  
But if someone is needy, desperately lonely, and he admits it to himself, then a relationship to him is something valuable and precious, worth investing, whatever it needs to make it work, and he considers conflicts as a task to resolve.

3.  Decent and profound men, who respect women as persons, either enter the combined emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy with a woman in a relationship, or there is no intimacy with a female body.   Therefore decent men become much more lonely and desperate than those filthy alley dogs, who have flings, uncommitted affairs with women wanting more, who go to prostitutes and consume pornography, thus abusing women's bodies as a valve to keep from feeling needy and desperate.   The probability, that a desperate, lonely and needy man is decent is much higher than if he appears independent and cool.

Therefore, if there is compatibility in all other aspects, the more a man is needy, lonely and desperate, the more I will welcome him.