I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

63. Paying for Dating-Sites and Why Better Not

Paying for Dating-Sites and Why Better Not

It makes no sense to pay for using any specific dating site, as long as there are so many of them, and the chances to find my mindmate on any one of them are very low.  
If I would want to find any kind of a very rare article, and there would be a fair with all people selling such articles inside, I would pay the entrance fee.    But I would not want to pay an entrance fee to 50 different shops, just to look around and discover, that the article is not in stock there.
If there were only one dating site world wide, and all potential matches would be in it, it would be worth to pay.  

Paying for something, that I want to use as much as possible, like the internet flatrate, makes sense.   Paying for something by time, which I only want to have just for one lucky contact, and then it would be obsolete, is not logical.   
Paying for a dating site by time would only be economically rational for those persons, who are not interested to find their one and only, but who want to have as many different contacts as possible.    Such men are not the ones, whom I am interested in.  

When two people get into contact on a free dating-site, they can focus exclusively on getting to know each other, as long as it takes to decide, how to continue, and they loose nothing.   But if they have paid a lot of money for a monthly fee, then they perceive their money being wasted by investing time into each contact exclusively, and instead they feel compelled to get as many contacts in a short time as possible.  
The knowledge of being in competition with an unknown number of other women on a paying site adds a lot of uncertainty to any correspondence.    I hate all competition, but the one of being ignorant of whom with is maybe the worst.   I want to be accepted or rejected for who I am, not for the haphazard of another woman being preferable and this being possible at any moment out of the blue.

It would be much more rational, if dating sites aiming at serious long term relationships would start a very different subscription scheme.   Instead of time based, it should be connection-days based.   Instead of paying for a month's subscription, somebody could buy a 30 single days subscription.   If on one day, two such subscribers gets in contact, they can then take their time to correspond, because both only will use another of their paid days the next time logging in.     

Therefore, only in the case that I find someone on any dating-site, payable or free, they deserve a donation.