I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

29. Self-Arranged Relationships or Marriages

Self-Arranged Relationships or Marriages

About a decade ago, I first heard about the love project of Robert Epstein.   I was intrigued, because he made a project of what had been my inclination long before I heard of Epstein.  

I like the expression 'self-arranged', somehow it is a good extension to the ERCP.   But according to what I have read, Epstein has focused mainly upon how to make love grow after two persons have met.   I prefer to take it one step further.   I doubt, if it is a good start, if the two partners have met in any haphazard way.   

With the possibilities of communication via the web, with the modern easy means of transportation, geographical distances are easier to overcome than mental distances.   

The most important step towards a 'self-arranged' relationship is a very careful choice.   I have joined far beyond 100 dating sites in several languages.   Creating a profile is done in a short time, and with every additional site, the chances to find a match with mind-mate qualities is enhanced.    Doing some deep mind-searching to get full awareness of my own needs and of what is important, and who is compatible, was a part of this.  

The prize for a rash choice is most probable a lot of pain to follow later.  Tolerating in a partner, whom one wants to respect as equal, what one does not allow oneself or what one would despise in oneself is no basis, and the necessity of adapting too much to each other because of too much difference is also an additional obstacle.    My experience in my focus to find someone really compatible has made me aware, how unconcerned men usually are in their haphazard contacting strategies.   Out of every 100 men, who contact me on a dating-site, at least 95 are completely unsuitable, and they could know it, if they would even bother to carefully read my profile first.  

I am getting tired of all the stupid warnings on dating advice sites, which tell people all the things they should avoid doing or admitting.  If traits and interests and tendencies are distributed along a bell curve, then somewhere is the compatible person even for rare cases at both ends of the curve.  
If they would follow the advice and hide, who they really are, they would get in contact with the incompatible average person and not with a like minded person.  
There is nothing wrong with being clingy and wanting to be together 24 hours every day, and there is nothing wrong with being happily working 60 hours a week and only wanting to be together in the limited leisure time.   It is only vital to be aware, what place one wants to have and to give to a partner in the future and to make a choice of someone, who has the same concept and tendencies.
If the clingy person attempts to force himself to be or to pretend to be less clingy, and if the workaholic takes a resolution to work less, they will probably fall back into their own old ruts and the disaster cannot be avoided.  

So, I am looking for someone just like me, who does not hide his true self, nor will I hide myself as I am.