I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, November 29, 2010

166. Five Months of This Blog

Five Months of This Blog

Tomorrow it is five months, since I have started this blog and according to the blogger stats, there have been over 850 page views in November.    Page views does not mean, that anybody reads the page, but at least there is some hope, that my mindmate will also find this blog.   

Usually I am writing my entries without any constructive feedback, especially since having been attacked with some hostile comments made me deactivate the commenting option.

I admit, that positive feedback makes me feel good.   Therefore I appreciate the email I received from a guy, whom I will call T.  He is not my mindmate, one of several reasons is that he is too young.    But what he wrote, is encouraging:
"I found your blog very human and touching."

"I completely agree with you about rationality, social egalitarianism, religion, tolerance, liberalism, nonmaterialism, nonviolence, childlessness by choice, and lots more.  I think you're a very thoughtful and sensitive person who is very deserving of love. "

Writing in a foreign language, I know, what I am saying, but I am not aware of the more subtle connotations of how I am expressing myself.   Therefore such feedback is a much appreciated reassurance.
I am trying a difficult endeavor to find the middle between encouraging the right kind of men and making it very clear, what I do not want.
By now, I have already said about everything, that is needed to enable my mindmate to recognize himself.   The problem is to find him, and therefore I need to continue to fill this blog with text, so it would come up more often in google searches.    Thus I have been filling the entries with whatever I could think of and after being a bit inspired by reading books on psychopathy and narcissism, I have lately written a lot about the behavior of jerks, and I was aware that I may appear a bit too negative and harsh.  I know, that not all men are jerks or emotional morons.  
"I wish I could have met an articulate woman with as much self-awareness and clear thinking as you have when I was younger, but I really didn't. "

I was not always as self-aware as I am now at my age.   I paid a price of pain for gaining self-awareness by some experiences.  

But now I am very determined to stick to what I have learned and not repeat any painful mistakes from the past.   The first experience of some painful behavior leaves a scar, but would I repeat the same mistake, then rewounding an old scar would hurt much more than creating it.  It is a way of getting emotionally allergic to some behaviors.  Therefore I am very careful now not to expose myself to the same experiences again.  

I appreciate T's questions and I will reply to them in the next entries.