I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

147. A Good Question

A Good Question

This is someone's comment to the previous entry:
I'm wondering at your age are guys still immature or jerks? I would think by 50's 60's men AND women would have grown out of this younger phase and the problems in dating would be more about finding someone available (unattached, w/o kids, etc) rather than immaturity

This is a good question, and there is a logical answer to it.  

One enabling factor in the process of maturing are painful experiences, if people are capable to learn from them.   
When a woman gets involved with a jerk or any kind of an immature man, she suffers and learns to avoid a repetition of this experience by looking through a magnifying glass from then on for red flags.
But the immature man has coerced his onesided benefits out of the woman without suffering himself.   Due to his inability to bond and to be an equal partner he made the woman suffer instead.  Thus he has no instigation to learn and to grow mature.   His immaturity preserves itself, because he does not suffer from it.  
When he either has dumped a woman as not serving his needs or when he has driven her away with ruthless and cruel behavior, he feels not responsible at all, but blames it on the woman.  Such a man never learns, never improves and is still immature at the age of 60.   At that age, the proportion of available men of all men is smaller than at a younger age, so the proportion of jerks and immature men of all available men may be greater than at a younger age.