I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

51. The Clone of a Cave Man - a Case Study

The Clone of a Cave Man - a Case Study

My scenario of ancient cave people in entry 50 is entirely my imagination, because I am ignorant of how intelligence and maturity evolved in Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons.   It may appear farfetched, but I had a model for it.    If some daring scientist would have cloned the ancient cave man and the clone would live in our times, outwardly looking unsuspicious, he would be just like someone, whom I have known, and whom I will call ACCM for Apparently a Cloned Cave Man.   

ACCM's behavior puzzled me for a long time.   First he appeared to me as someone, who had been stuck in his emotional maturation as a child, but had grown to superficially appear as an adult, studying successfully.

Some of his behavior seemed to be ADD, some was very typical for NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), some was even typical for sociopathy.   But in contrast to the typical sociopath and malignant narcissist, he did not seem to be a really cruel jerk, his jerkish behavior seemed to be caused more be ignorance, oblivion and lack of empathy than by malice.  

But if he had a cave man's brain at the stage of evolution of my scenario in entry 50, that would solve the puzzle and explain his behavior.  

ACCM is completely selfish and self-centered, he feels entitled to get all his needs and wishes fulfilled without any or with little own effort and with no reason to feel gratitude.   He perceives himself as superior and everything and everybody exists only for the purpose to serve his needs.    He considers himself as born to dominate, equality is a meaningless word to him. 
ACCM is like a narcissist addicted to an unlimited supply of other people's attention.   If he does not get adulation and adoration, then he prefers the power to annoy, disturb and hurt others as a way of getting attention rather than no attention at all.  He seems oblivious to feel embarrassed or to even notice, when he makes a fool of himself or gets shunned and rejected in any subtle, not blunt way.   
ACCM perceives all other people as more or less suitable to serve his needs.   He does not perceive different social roles as requiring different behavior beyond maybe some basic differences according to age and gender.   He distinguishes persons by how much he can benefit from them.   Being addicted to attention, he has no constraint or reticence to initiate contact by starting to talk to every person crossing his path.   It makes not difference, if he meets a friend, acquaintance or a complete stranger, he greats them all as if everybody is a long known friend.    He does this everywhere, no matter, how appropriate or inappropriate it is in some social environment.
ACCM talks endlessly.  He does not listen and interrupts others.   If he does listen, he seems only to comprehend topics concerning practical problems of everyday life, while any topic concerning human interaction and abstract emotions seems never to enter his brain.    
ACCM seems to have a very dim notion of abstract and complex feelings.   He is self-centered in his pursuit of predominantly his physical and material need.   When he gets, what he wants, he is content, no matter what impact his method of acquisition would have on the pride, dignity and self-respect of mature people.    He just seems to be void of abstract and complex emotional needs like dignity.  His emotional needs do not go beyond control and power.
ACCM has not empathy for any invisible emotional experiences, even when told, what others feel.   His empathy is limited to simple needs like others being tired, hungry or sick.  

ACCM believes himself to love a woman.   But he loves her as an object and a utility, just like he loves his bicycle.    Her emotional wellbeing is something beyond his comprehension or consideration.  He is oblivious, that her emotional wellbeing even exists and he could have any impact upon it.   When the woman tells him, that she feels hurt, there is no reaction.    But he maintains her functionality as carefully as he does that of his bicycle, he cares for her physical needs like food and health nearly as much as for his own.
ACCM acts entirely according to his own needs and to his projection of his own needs upon the woman.   He does not ask nor listen to her declaration of her needs that are different from his, it seems that this does not even occur to him as a possibility, that she could have needs, that he is ignorant of and would need to ask her about.
ACCM considers the woman as his possession.   He has acquired her once, that means lured her somehow into a relationship, and from then on she is at his disposition and it does not occur to him, that she could have her own mind about continuing to want to be with him or not.   It does not occur to him, that her decision to stay with him or not depends upon how he treats her.   She has once become his possession, and from then on, she has to be available at his convenience, when he wants her for his needs, else she has to patiently wait in storage, until he retrieves her.  
ACCM perceives the woman as an object.   He is void of any ethical restraint or guidance in his behavior.   He does not feel any obligation, responsibility, accountability towards her.    She is perceived as an object, so his behavior is guided by general rules but not by an agreement or contract with her as an individual.   Those rules to him are the same as a maintenance manual for a bicycle.   He looks in the manual, what to do, he does not ask the bicycle.  
He does not cheat by the general rule, but he seems unable to comprehend the requirements of commitment, that include obligations to act on agreement and by consent.   He acts according his own interpretation of the general rules, so he cannot be wrong.  Therefore, no matter, how he treats her, he feels no remorse, guilt or conscience.    When she protests against his behavior, then his own excuses are enough valid reasons for himself, she is not significant enough to earn her forgiving, which he does not even consider as a necessity.

ACCM has a very good memory.  He seems to memorize abstract concepts from books or advice pages on the web, like being equal partners so well, that he appears to agree with them. But in reality he has just learned by root to say something, which he does not understand.    Sometimes even his ability to logical reasoning seems limited.  
ACCM practically never lies.   He has no need to lie, because he is oblivious of the invisible opinions of others, as he lacks the abstract capacity to conclude from behavior to the attitudes behind.    He lacks the capacity to reason with sufficient abstraction about human behavior to fully understand, what benefits he can get by lying and how to do this.   He is also too distracted, too impulsive and too busy to get attention, thus he could not lie consistently to avoid getting caught in contradictions. 
People mistake him for an honest person by a conscious decision to ethical behavior.   When they give him advantages, he takes them as his entitlement without ever noticing, that they decided to give something, which he was not entitled to receive.

I wonder, what a scientist would find, would he compare the genes of ACCM with those of a Cro-Magnon, a Neanderthal and a contemporary man......