I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

410. A [Unfavorable Evaluation Omitted] With A Halo

A [Unfavorable Evaluation Omitted] With A Halo

When reading the following quotes:
"I truly believe that men were created to lead."
"Most of the women I’ve counseled have longed for their husbands to step up and lead the family."
I was speechless for a moment.  Against my habit of giving the source, I quote this anonymously, because this does not deserve my contribution to publicity.

If this were just a man's private opinion, it would not be worth a comment, because unfortunately he shares this attitude with millions of men.   But the author of the quotes is "a licensed marriage & family therapist."

A therapist has a responsible function.   In this role, it is his professional task to teach and support people to become equal partners.   He does the contrary.    He implicitly declares equality and the cooperation of egalitarian partners as unnatural.      
What he considers and proclaims as therapy means in reality to convert a healthy decent nice man into a sick jerk, who wants to lead.   
He sees psychologically deformed woman wishing to be led and dominated as clients in counselling.  But he does not recognize them as the partner with the disturbence.   Instead he perceives her as a prototype of a healthy woman suffering because of a sick man.   
As a result, a healthy nice guy and a sick docile woman enter therapy.  When he considers the couple as cured, they have reached the balance of what is called d folie à deux, a form of mental illness, where both partners are complementary in their insane behavior and delusions.   After what he considers successful therapy, the man is sick enough to dominate, and the women is still as sick as before wanting to be dominated.  

The entitlement delusion of being born to lead for no other reason than being genetically male is a part of male narcissism.  By proclaiming the man's justification of leading with the authority of a therapist, he dangerously enhances narcissism instead of curing it.  
A man's usurpation of the leading role can cause a lot of conflict and pain, when the woman disagrees.    A man, whose narcissism is still only at a low level, is still able to seek counselling, because he still considers the possibility, that he may be contributing himself to the failure of relationships.   He is at a decisive crossroads of his further development.   
A responsible therapist teaches the man to renounce the leading entitlement delusion in favor of becoming an egalitarian partner.    An irresponsible therapist, who reinforced the entiltlement to lead, can fix the narcissism beyond cure and deprive the man of ever finding happiness in egalitarian commitment.