I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

688. The Self-Abuse Of Foolish Women

688.  The Self-Abuse Of Foolish Women

Reading men's profiles I am noting, how often men are a indicating their wish for 'no strings attached fun', 'intimate encounters', 'casual sex' or similar expressions, which all translate as the wish to find a willing target for the male urge for the one time access to a female body.  

If no woman ever would provide herself for this form of self-abuse, men would cease to try.   If many women would have the same wish, there would not be such a huge market of men paying for abuse, which they cannot get for free.   
Thus there are some but only few women, who do provide their bodies, before they learn the hard way to avoid a repetition. 
This frequent expression of men's wish to be allowed the abuse without paying can be explained best by the psychological observation, that behavior persists the longest, when it is infrequently rewarded.  This is called intermittent reinforcement. 
Thus men do not find enough victims for unpaid self-abuse and most abuse is only available for money, yet the few victim suffice to mislead men to continue the attempt.

I have been wondering, who are the willing victims of self-abuse, and I can see one possible pattern:

They are probably women, who
  • identify as being their bodies
  • derive their self-worth and self-esteem from their looks and their effects upon men.
  • either are or consider themselves as very attractive.
  • believe to be irresistible to all men. 
  • are fully aware of the magnitude of men's instinctive urges for female bodies.
  • are completely ignorant of the physiological differences between the genders and the disparate needs.  
  • project their own need and proneness for attachment upon men.
Therefore these women disbelieve and fail to take for serious, when a man makes it very clear, that he has not the least intention to ever meet again after one night.   Due to the delusion of being irresistible, these women nevertheless believe to be able to get him hooked and to draw him into a committed relationship.   

These women are dangerous fools.  

They are fools, because they suffer a lot, when in spite of their delusion they are dumped and discarded without hesitation or regret by men, who do not feel responsible due to having been clear about their true intentions.  

But these foolish women are also dangerous for other women, because they reinforce men's attitude towards being predators.  Some predators project their own not-attaching urge for the use of female bodies upon women.  They are misled to believe, that women would have the same strong urge for depersonalized and objectified male bodies.  
Every time, when a man erroneously and unaware of her hidden agenda perceives a woman participating in the copulation superficially appearing as if she were as much an alley dog as the man himself, this reinforces his false belief in the projection.   
This reinforced projection also reinforces the generalization of his abusive behaviors, which makes him a nuisance to wiser women.