I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

463. The Inappropriate-Drooling-Pattern And Scientific Research

The Inappropriate-Drooling-Pattern And Scientific Research

This pattern happens very often, I call it the inappropriate drooling pattern.  

An intelligent and educated woman gets into a conversation with a man.  
She shows her interest in discussing some serious topic of her interest with him, because he appears to be interested and knowledgeable in this topic.
But the man only drools over her body and his demeanor is guided by his urge to lure her into bed. 
He is either in denial or oblivious of her brain and of the possible intellectual benefits of communicating with her.  
As soon as the woman recognizes him as a depreciating jerk, she feels repugnance and annoyance.  

Today I found an interesting article:

The results of some research explain logically, how the motivation for men to be driven to the inappropriate drooling behavior has gained so much prevalence in the gene pool in spite of being averse to women's dignity:
"Men looking for a quick hookup were more likely to overestimate the women's desire for them. Men who thought they were hot also thought the women were hot for them -- but men who were actually attractive, by the women's ratings, did not make this mistake. The more attractive the woman was to the man, the more likely he was to overestimate her interest. And women tended to underestimate men's desire."

"The researchers theorize that the kind of guy who went for it, even at the risk of being rebuffed, scored more often -- and passed on his overperceiving tendency to his genetic heirs."

But these findings allow further interpretations.   "The more attractive the woman was to the man, the more likely he was to overestimate her interest."   This is the key to the problem, why it is so difficult for any woman to avoid becoming the target of the inappropriate drooling pattern.   Not only the very attractive women are prone to become victims, but most women are, except only those drastically ugly. 
The attractiveness of a woman to a jerk is not an absolute value.   The more a jerk is driven by sexual dishomeostasis and the less other women are available, the more he subjectively perceives any woman as attractive enough to drool over her body.   A woman has no influence over this effect, she cannot avoid triggering the drooling except by avoiding the man, it even happens in spite of clear signals by her non-inviting attire.  

This somehow explains my own history of exasperation and nausea from experiencing the inappropriate drooling pattern described above too often.   I want and always wanted to attract a man for predominantly and initially intellectual intimacy, leading then to emotional intimacy next and only as the last step also to physical intimacy.  

I experienced the inappropriate-drooling pattern as a trap of being caught between Scylla and Charybdis.   It has caused me a lot of frustration, outrage and indignation, while I was younger and not even aware of its explanation by evolutionary biology.  
  • Scylla:  I feel repugnance to those studs and machos, who are so much driven by their innate instincts, that they either drool over a woman's body or are not interested in her at all.   I always avoid them.  
  • Charybdis:  I am attracted to the nice guys, who are senstitive, soft, shy, intellectual, reticent and tend to be psychologically androgynous.   I am attracted to them in the hope, that they are able to be equal partners in intellectual intimacy and not drool over my body.  
    Unfortunate, they are also those most prone to have been rejected by those women, who prefer the studs.   Their lack of success with others then enhances their subjective perception of my attractiveness, until they too drool over my body. 

All I wanted and want, is a man, who appreciates me for my brain and personality and who does not drool over my body or over any woman's body in blind disregard and ignorance of who I am and of the intellectual benefits available when perceiving me as companion and mindmate.