I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Friday, August 19, 2011

377. Respect And Disrespect

Respect And Disrespect

Mutual respect is the basis of an egalitarian bonded committed relationship.  

I am not talking about the pseudo respect of being indiscriminately polite and courteous in everyday life.   I am talking about the respect, that is felt and perceived for the personality of someone.    

Before entering a relationship, an instinct driven man or an emotional moron asks himself (consciously or subconsciously) only questions like these:  Do I want that person?   What benefits can I get from that person?

Tolerance cannot replace lacking respect, even though many people attempt to do so.   When a man wants a woman, whom he does not respect but only tolerates instead, he is using her.    Many men are so much driven by their need of homeostasis, that they are not even aware of their lack of respect.  

A mature and wise man asks himself different questions:  Do I respect that person and does that person also respect me?   
These are not always easy questions to answer, but it needs a lot of introspection, self-monitoring and honesty with oneself.    But these are very important questions.   Lacking respect dooms a relationship to become toxic for the not respected partner.  

Respect has two major aspects, intellectual respect and moral respect.   Respecting a person enough to enter a relationship requires both respects.   
Respect is a very subjective and individual perception of another person.    It depends upon how one perceives oneself, what one values as important, and how close someone else has to be if he can be enclosed in a kind of mental ingroup.  
Respect is both a rational evaluation of the other and the emotion of feeling close or feeling separated by a ditch. 
Respect and feeling respected enhance and reinforce each other.    The opinion and judgment of a respected person has much more impact than that of a disrespected person, that is often completely irrelevant.     

Being disrespected hurts and it hurts the more, when the disrespecting person is respected onesidedly.   To disrespect cannot be avoided, but showing it can.   Nobody can force himself to feel respect for a person, who is inferior by any kind of objective measurement or even when only perceived subjectively.    But maturity and decency require to stay away from disrespected persons instead of treating them as inferior.     
A jerk pursues a woman's body, while he disrespects her mind.    A decent man keeps away from such a woman's body, if he cannot respect her person.   
I attempt to follow this, I do not approach for example christians to call them idiots because of their belief, no matter that I sincerely think this.   I prefer to avoid christians.   Only if a christian annoys me like somebody insisting to pray for my lost soul, then he warrants to be called an idiot.  

Once there is disrespect on one or on both sides, there is no rational reason to continue the contact, if there are no external circumstances enforcing it as is in a job.  Both the person feeling the disrespect and the person after having become or being made aware of being disrespected, have reasons to avoid further contact.
The disrespecting person avoids contact by consideration.   For the disrespected person avoidance is the easiest way of disagreement with the disrespect without being further bothered about it.   If a disrespected person continues to expose himself to the expressions of disrespect, this can be interpreted as implicit acquiescence indicating lack of dignity, pride and self-esteem.   

I admit, I am not in the least motivated to deal with disrespect.    I do not want to be hurt by it, I do not want to fight against it, I do not want to be annoyed by or bothered about it.     Whoever disrespects me is welcome to do so as long and as much as it suits him, but I do not even want to know it.   It is his problem, not mine.    Whoever is reading this blog and and respects me for my thoughts, is welcome to contact me with his feedback and comments.    But whoever disrespects me, is asked to move on without bothering me.