I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

524. The Absence Of Urges Is Better Than Self-Control

524.  The Absence Of Urges Is Better Than Self-Control

"A study by University of Iowa neuroscientist and neuro-marketing expert William Hedgcock confirms previous studies that show self-control is a finite commodity that is depleted by use. Once the pool has dried up, we're less likely to keep our cool the next time we're faced with a situation that requires self-control."

"But Hedgcock's study is the first to actually show it happening in the brain using fMRI images that scan people as they perform self-control tasks. "

"The study could also modify previous thinking that considered self-control to be like a muscle. Hedgcock says his images seem to suggest that it's like a pool that can be drained by use then replenished through time in a lower conflict environment, away from temptations that require its use."

This study backs up my opinion, that if a woman wants a man predominantly for the safe haven of the companionship of two persons, then the wisest choice is a man, whose instinctive subconscious reactions to the stimulation by objectified female bodies is as low as can be found.  

A low instinctivity man is no hazard, because by his own innate predisposition, attitudes and genuine needs he is more attracted to a woman's personality than to her body.   Therefore he is not prone to be drawn into a struggle against temptations, which he does not have.     

A high instinctivity man, who only has rationally decided to treat a woman as an equal partner according to her needs, because he has cognitive conscious reasons to do so, including the wish to prevent losing her, needs to exercise a lot of self-control against strong instinctive urges to objectify women.   He is a hazard, because whenever his self-control has been depleted by any other task, he is prone to behave in an inconsiderate and irresponsible way. 
This has even further implications.    A relationship needs hard work and effort to improve it, to communicate about unpleasant conflicts, to face reality without denial and avoidance.    Sometimes a lot of willpower is needed to do this.  
Someone of low instinctivity, who does not need to waste his willpower on fighting the strong animal inside himself, has more willpower left to invest into the constructive work on the relationship.  
Also whenever a high instinctivity man has depleted his willpower in an attempt to solve relationship conflicts, he is prone to behave as a jerk due to not being able to resist some temptations.