I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

387. A Scientist's Dating Advice

A Scientist's Dating Advice

I am an independent thinker, but being too original enhances intellectual loneliness.   Therefore I appreciate sometimes to find reinforcement for some of my ideas and I just did.


The following are quotes from Dr. Jason Shepherd, Postdoctoral Fellow in the Department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at M.I.T., which are backing up some of my basic ideas in this blog.  

1. Know that you don't know what you're doing
"Many of our most important decisions are made in our brains unconsciously. We are constantly bombarded with sensory input from the world and our conscious experience only captures a small percentage of this information,"
"So much of our 'chemistry' and attraction to others occurs without us really knowing. We often can't tell why we are drawn to certain people and sometime that's just because our brain has worked out something we are not directly aware of."
Not knowing this is a hazard.   I consider it as of paramount important to be aware of how subconscious instincts determining behavior and choices are very detrimental to long term happiness.   Self-monitoring based upon the knowledge, which impulses, urges and inclinations can be explained by animal instincts is very important as a method of prevention, which is a part of the strategy to reduce this hazard.    This strategy includes also the conscious decision, what traits in a partner are essential for a long-term bonded commitment. 

2. For the guys: Appeal to a woman's brain
"There are key differences in the way sexes choose partners, obviously, and this is because the female and male brains are just wired differently...although this isn't always black and white but rather a continuum. In general men are mostly visual, whereas women are 'cerebral' for a better way of putting it. They require more than just visual stimulation to be attracted to someone."
I am looking for a mindmate.  Who disregards my brain, is not suitable.

3. Love is the result of "feedback loops"
"Everything in the brain has feedback loops, so if you do something that activates the reward system (i.e you went on a good date) that is noted by the brain and cellular/molecular changes occur in the reward system that reinforces that good experience. These feedback loops usually work well and 'love' is the end result of positive reinforcement of these reward circuits.

As an aside, I'm personally a romantic, and even though I'm fascinated by the biological basis of human behavior, I don't think trying to understand love at a molecular/cellular level takes ANYTHING away from the emotion or the way I view love."
This is behind what I described in entry 385 as the reciprocal reinforcement of expressing caring love by proactive behavior enhancing the other's subjective wellbeing.

4. Know what your dealbreakers are
"I don't think it's a requirement for me to date another scientist, but what is key is someone who curious about the world. And someone who thinks evolution is real. I once went on a date where I was lampooned for believing in evolution, even though I had clearly stated on my profile that I was a biologist."
I have stated my dealbreakers clearly in this blog.   

5.  You've got to respect them
"I'm no expert on relationships but respect is key. The chemistry needs to be there of course but if you don't respect your partner for their intellect, drive, etc. then it's not going to work. I think this is really important for people who are ambitious and set high goals for themselves."
I have put emphasis in several entries, that a bonded and committed relationship is only possible with mutual respect.