I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

394. Geographical Distance Is Easier To Overcome Than Mental Distance

Geographical Distance Is Easier To Overcome Than Mental Distance
Persons of both genders with the qualities of what defines my mindmate are equally rare.    A man looking for someone like me has certainly the same difficulties as myself to find someone really compatible.   

In the times of air travel, emails, Skye and at the age of retirement, to me it is logical, that geographical distance is easier to overcome than mental distance.    A childfree atheist at the other side of the globe is more suitable than the religious breeder next door.  

Following this logic, men of my kind have the same reasons as myself to enlarge their search to the entire globe.   But whenever I discover someone's profile on a dating site, which fits my major search criteria, and who seems to look for someone like me, I do take the initiative of contacting him, but then I get rejected for being too far away.  

When two mature, monogamous, non-promiscuous persons crave only for bonded close commitment, their needs are symmetrical.   
But the stronger a man's additional physiological needs for maintaining sexual homeostasis, the more the situation is asymmetrical, when compromising and accepting not fully suitable partners.   
Even when a man's and a woman's behavior appear superficially to be the same, accepting someone only partially incompatible has very different emotional consequences.  

For a man, the lack of quality of a women is compensated by the use of her body for his homeostasis, and he often is not really bothered about this.   An atheist man can consider a christian woman as an idiot, but this does not impede him to get homeostasis from her body.
This is different for a woman.   Allowing a man to use her body, even though he is not good enough for mutual respect and appreciation, has no benefits for her, but damages her dignity.   An atheist woman, who considers as christian man as an idiot, has disdain instead of respect for him.  Therefore being with him cannot fulfill her need of emotional and intellectual intimacy, which requires the equality of shared values.

Therefore unfortunately men are more prone to compromise with haphazard but easily available women, while a woman with self-respect is more motivated to search for someone suitable, not matter how far away.