I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, July 9, 2012

532. Bullying And Commodification Are Two Sides Of The Same Coin

532.   Bullying And Commodification Are Two Sides Of The Same Coin  

The words commodification and objectification have two meanings, as the attitude with the mere potential to harm and as a behavior with a harmed target.   The step from the attitude to the behavior is accomplished by bullying.   Therefore bullying and commodification are two sides of the same coin.   They reinforce, enhance and enable each other.

Commodification leads to bullying, bullying is an indication of the attitude of commodification. 

Bullying is a method to take, what is not available without coercion.   Commodification is the attitude of subjective asymmetrical entitlement to more than what is appropriate from the victim's perspective.       
Bullying enables the behavioral commodification by onesided decision.  Successful behavioral commodification of a disagreeing victims requires bullying.  

Men's subjective entitlement to commodify women is merely a preposterous and delusional attitude of pathetic jerks, as long as women are able to avoid being mistreated and abused by them.   Even though there are specific situations of women's self-commodification when breeding, generally speaking women in their right mind do not consciously agree to be commodified.   Instead they resist and refuse compliance and acquiescence, as long as they are under no restrictions to do so.    But unfortunately, disagreement with outrageous attitudes is not a sufficient protection against such attitudes being imposed by asymmetrical power. 

When a man only wants, wishes and expects from a woman, what is fair, just and appropriate, he often gets it without even asking.    Else asking or rationally convincing are usually sufficient methods.   Bullying is not an options.   When the own needs are not met in a relationship without coercion, this does not justify bullying, it is an indication of a mismatch.  

Bullying in a relationship is an asymmetrical method for the purpose of getting benefits from the partner, who does not agree to owe these benefits.   A bully takes advantage of whatever power is available to him.   The average man is so much stronger than the average woman, that he is able to beat her up and kill her without a weapon.   Therefore any display of anger, rage, aggression appears as a threat, which is strong enough to trigger many women's spontaneous fear and cringing, even without the experience of having been beaten.   
Additionally to bullying, there is also sometimes the advantage of asymmetrical situational power, when one of two conflicting goals is easier to enforce then the other.   When one wants to leave and the other wants him to stay, the one leaving has the power to do so, the other has no means to hold him back.  

Women cannot be rationally convinced of the acceptability of being commodified by men.  But in spite of the impossibility to rationally justify the commodification of women, bullying bears the tragic consequence of misleading men to misinterpret the bullied women's alleged outward acquiescence and compliance as if it were agreement.   
This is the cause of an unfortunate vicious spiral:   Immature and selfish men start their interaction with females during puberty already with the delusion of being entitled to onesided benefits from objectified and commodified women.  They are reinforced by the social norm of the ubiquitous oversexation of every day life.   They feel entitled to get the benefits by hook or by crook, and thus they bully women considering this as a legitimate method.    Under the entitlement delusion, any absence of resistance, any resignation or external helpless compliance is misinterpreted as agreement.   
The more often their bullying is successful, the more their delusion gets worse.   They not only expect the victims' agreement with being commodified, but they also take the alleged agreement for granted and for justified.  

Subjectively for a man, bullying is as much or as little justified as is commodification.   This has also another implication:   When for a man bullying is a principally justified behavior, having become a regular habit, he is prone to use it not only in situations, when he really otherwise would not get what he wants.   He is also prone to bully, when he only wrongly believes this to be the only method available, even though in reality he just has not been patient or outspoken and explicit enough to enable the woman to do, what she is motivated to do.   
Therefore any bullying is also a clear indication of an attitude of commodification, when this attitude has not yet been discovered, because it is incongruent with the man's verbally claimed attitude towards women.
Bullying is a clear expression of depreciation and disrespect for her person, even when the man claims verbally his wish for an equal partner.    An egalitarian man does not bully, a bully is not an egalitarian.    
Being bullied by a man is harmful for a woman on two levels.  A bullied woman suffers from being denied the reciprocal bonding and commitment and from being denied her dignity as an equal person.  

But bullying is only a successful strategy for those jerks, who are satisfied by the short-term commodification, when the abused woman is discarded and replaced, before she has been bullied beyond her endurance into dysfunctionality.    

Whenever a man prefers the benefits of the long-term commodification of the same woman, his bullying impedes his own intentions.  The immediate success of his bullying seems to reward him.   This reinforces the bullying.   
But he is mistaken to think that all is well, only because he experiences it as well for himself.   He is oblivious, that all apparent submission of the woman is only her helpless and powerless lack of resistance on the outside.   On the inside, there is no alleged recognition of his entitlement, on the contrary, her hidden grudges grow with every instance of being bullied.   
She experiences as transgressions, what he believes to be his entitlement.    Every additional such transgressions damages her trust and her feelings for him a bit more. 
His greed to get too many benefits by commodifying her leads him to be left in the end with nothing after he has bullied her away by bullying her once too often.