I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

316. The Animality Quotient - AQ

The Animality Quotient - AQ

Sometimes, for example in entry 314, I may give the impression, as if I hated all men.   This is certainly not true.  This entire blog is about finding the man, who will be my mindmate.   Repulsive to me is all instinctivity, which is driving both men and women in a different way to use others for the purpose of breeding.  

My metaphor for human behavior is the speed of a car, which is determined by two contradictory forces, the gas and the break being pressed simultaneously.   In the brain, the animal instincts for procreation and all behavior leading to and enhancing procreation are like pressing the gas, while the rationality and cognition are pressing the break.   The relative strength of both forces is the individual's instinctivity determining either the speed towards breeding or the relaxed abstinence from breeding.  

Women's instinctivity focuses directly on breeding behavior including the mate choice for healthy genes and for good providers, while men's instinctivity focuses on spreading their genes ruthlessly.   Therefore the urges of instinctivity lead both genders to very different behaviors, detrimental for both, the individual's and the used other's wellbeing.

I assume, that the strength of instinctivity is distributed along a bell curve and that it can be defined by a quotient analogous to the IQ.   Statistically the Intelligence Quotient is an example of a very useful way of measuring a human trait.    It combines a linear scale with the distribution of the population along a bell curve.    100 divides the population in a lower and a higher half, and every 1 standard deviation is usually connected with 15 points on the linear scale, which thus goes from 40 as practically none (0.003%) to 160 as practically all (99.997%)

I will call the distribution of instinctivity along the bell curve the Animality Quotient AQ.   While there is neither a test nor any way to measure it, this does not diminish its value as a description.  
At one extreme end, there are the animals with the brain of a moron, who are automatically driven by their instincts.  At the other extreme end are the completely hypoanimalistic people, who are entirely guided by reason and logic, having no other instincts except those for self-preservation.     

The AQ is a net score and therefore a simplification of a more complex situation.    The AQ measures the difference between the force of the instinctive urges and the restraint by the combination of awareness and self-control.   In the car metaphor, it is the speed resulting from the combined forces of the break and the gas.   
The innate strength of only the instinctive urges is also distributed along a bell curve.   But when assuming an UQ as the instinctive Urge Quotient, a person can have an UQ very different from the AQ.  
A man with a low AQ has little inclinations to use a woman's body for the restoring of homeostasis.  But this does not determine, if such a man can get emotionally bonded and attached by entering physical intimacy or not.   Someone with an AQ of 70 can be either someone with an UQ also of 70, who is just relaxed and not bothered, lacking any need for restraining, what is not there.  Or he can be someone with an UQ of 130 but who is fascinated and interested in intellectual and creative pursuits, and who perceives his instincts as annoying.  He uses self-control and restraint in favor of what is really important to him.  

Therefore a low AQ is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for a man to be able to get intrinsically committed.    In my metaphor of the car, there is also the stirring wheel determining the direction of the behavior.   One direction is the selfish use of others as utilities and commodities, which is innate and also a part of the animal nature, the other direction can be chosen, if there is enough force of the IQ and EQ.   
His IQ enables a man to appreciate and to enjoy the intellectual qualities of a woman and value her brain more than her body.   His EQ enables him to have empathy, responsibility and consideration for her as a person and to be guided by ethics.   Having a high EQ, a man does not consider a woman as a commodity, and by never starting promiscuity, he never loses his ability to get bonded.   

The combination of a low AQ and high IQ and EQ are the determinants for intrinsic commitment.  Men and women with the ability for intrinsic commitment have more in common than have men with this ability with men lacking it, and it is the same for women.

I admit that I loathe the instinct driven animalistic men, but I also have not much sympathy for instinct driven women.  But I do have a very high appreciation, respect and regard for those rare men, who are able to commit intrinsically.