I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

317. The Animality Quotient and Compatibility

The Animality Quotient and Compatibility

This continues entry 316.

Unfortunately, the knowledge about the force of animal instincts and the awareness for the detrimental effects upon the individual life in the general population is very limited.   People believe in the free will and in the power of healthy people to have complete self-control, and that behavior can be controlled by social rules and laws.    People judge others too much by their behavior without being aware of the motivation behind it.
People are generally considered as healthy, when they have sufficient self-control, else they are considered as mentally ill and deviant.  Deviance and mental dysfunction are rarely attributed to the virulence of the residue of animal instincts in the subconscious.   People are oblivious of how much their individual AQ (Animality Quotient) and UQ (Instinctive Urge Quotient) are determining their personality on a subconscious level and how much their personal instinctivity determines their identity.   

As long as people do not know any better, they project, they think, that others are like themselves.   Only with maturity and a high EQ do they gain awareness for differences and learn consideration for the needs of others.    This includes also the wide differences between needs as a consequence of the AQ.    Only when people project their instinctive needs, and their AQs are similar, then they have no problems.  
  • A couple both having a low AQ can get bonded as intellectual companions and be happily devoted to each other.   
  • A couple of both having a high AQ, where the man has high sexual needs and the woman an high urge to breed, ends often having the standard formal marriage:  The woman avoids the man's needs pretending headaches, the man cheats.  The woman is bonded to her children, and the man has a lot of stress working hard to earn the money for them all.
  • When a woman with a low AQ makes the mistake of projecting by accepting a man with a high AQ for physical intimacy with the wrong assumption, that for him as for her it is the beginning of commitment, she gets hurt.  
  • When a man with a high AQ makes the mistake of projecting his sexual needs on all women, he risks a lot of trouble, even legal for harrassment, and he gets a lot of rejection from all the women, whom he is insulting and offending.
  • When a man with a low AQ makes the mistake of projecting this on a woman with a high AQ, he ends up being forced to work hard to provide for the unwanted children, which he got instead of the bonded companion.
  • When a woman with a high AQ makes the mistake of projecting her urge to breed on a low AQ man, who wants a companion, she risks to become a single parents raising the children alone.

Therefore it is very important for people to have full awareness of the differences between people's AQs and of the strength their own AQ, so that they can make a wise choice of an AQ-compatible mate.   

Without full awareness, there is a big problem, when people judge others by their behavior and jump to conclusions about their attitudes and their ethical standards.   When I catch someone with a lie, this allows me to know, that he is principally a liar, I just do not know, how often.   As long as I never catch someone with a lie, I cannot know, if he really is never lieng and would not lie under different circumstances.   All I can do is estimate the probability of his honesty as high.  

It is the same with the high or low AQ.   When a woman sits on a bench in a park and a man approaches her, who makes unequivocal advances for the purpose of using her body, she can judge him as a high AQ person.
But when she sits on a bench, and a man approaches her starting an interesting conversation about a cultural topic, then she cannot know, why he does not treat her as prey.    From the absence of any high AQ behavior at that moment, she cannot know, if his AQ is really low or not. 
  • He could be a truly low UQ man, who is genuinely just interested in talking with her.
  • He could be a high UQ and low AQ person, whose instincts do get triggered, but his intellectual interest in the woman is really and innately higher.    He is intrinsically motivated not to be under the control of instincts, but to follow his intellectual inclinations.  
  • He could be a high UQ person with a high AQ, but who acts under external reasons to restrain himself.   He could be religious and fearing the purgatory too much to allow himself his true inclinations.   He could be too scared of being rejected.   He could be married and talking to her while waiting for someone, who would tell his wife.   He could be someone hoping to make some money from a tourist.   
There can be many reasons, while a high AQ man behaves as if he were a low AQ man, and the more a woman is aware, the more she can avoid getting involved with an incompatible man.