I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Friday, January 13, 2012

477. Non-Religious False Beliefs Concerning Happiness

Non-Religious False Beliefs Concerning Happiness

Gullibility causes people to restrict their own lives by false beliefs.   But those false beliefs are not only religious, there are also false beliefs about happiness.  

For both animals and humans, avoiding dishomeostasis and stimulation of the pleasure center are motivated by urges to enhance the subjective wellbeing.    Sexual homeostasis and material provision of food, shelter and health are causes of contentment and satisfaction for both humans and animals.    But this is not happiness.

Only for humans, happiness is the extreme of what is experienced as wellbeing.   Happiness as an abstract emotion is much more than the sensation and perception of being contented and satisfied.    Happiness is a consequence of the specific and unique human cognition for non-physical homeostasis and pleasures.  

There are two major false beliefs, which gullible people are misguided by:
  • A materially luxury life is believed to be the best life possible.
  • Sexual homeostasis, either with one person in a relationship or by promiscuity is the only purpose of and the best to be derived from the interaction with the opposite gender.  
Both false beliefs are caused by predominant animal instincts in the absence or repression of the full emotional and intellectual cognitive capacities.    Strong dishomeostasis of animal instincts enhances these false beliefs, the further the unique human cognition is evolved in an individual, the less the individual is prone to be mislead by these beliefs. Unfortunately those false beliefs impede people from achieving the happiness and fulfillment in accordance with their cognition. 
  • Luxury is not sufficient to cause happiness.    In the case of material survival, happiness is a bit too strong a word, so I will use joy and fulfillment instead.   
  • With personal relationship, the situation is similar.   Sexual homeostation is not sufficient to cause happiness.  

People often claim, that a relationship is not a job, and expectations should be different.    But both can be compared in many ways.   A job is a method to earn physical wellbeing, a committed relationship is a method to earn emotional wellbeing.  

The following analogy has limitations.   
Happiness requires a symmetrical relationship, that only works, when the happiness is reciprocally available, while the impact of material circumstances is asymmetrical.  
My analogy concerning material wellbeing is even valid for selfish and self-centered persons, while the relationship derived emotional wellbeing depends additionally upon egalitarian and responsible maturity. 
But if someone with both false beliefs is oblivious of the difference between satisfaction due to the homeostasis of instinctive urges and the human ability to experience fulfillment, joy and happiness, then he is deprived of true human quality of life.   
  1. Being deprived of basic material necessities causes suffering.
    Being lonely causes suffering.
  2. Earning good money but disliking the job causes dishomeostasis and dissatisfaction, even though it allows a high standard of living.
    Having a relationship with a person based upon initial physical infatuation causes emotional dishomeostasis and dissatisfaction, when the partner is not respected and appreciated as a person, but only perceived as a source of advantages.
  3. Professional fulfillment means both in combination:  Enjoyment with what one does for a living and to get appropriate payment.   The activity would be enjoyed by itself even without being paid.  
    Happiness means to enjoy to be with a person and to get sexual homeostasis.   Intellectual intimacy with and attachment to this person would be rewarding by itself even if there were no sexual homeostasis.  
  4. Being paid is not the motivation to prefer a specific activity, it is important only to avoid suffering from deprivation.
    Sexuality is not the reason to be committed to a chosen mate, it serves only to avoid dishomeostasis.   
  5. People with advanced human cognition are motivated to the self-realization of intellectual and creative activities even when they are from a rich family and have no necessity to earn money.
    People with advanced human cognition are motivated to the self-realization of intellectual intimacy with a bonded close partner, even when they are in the situation, that sexual homeostasis with haphazard bodies is also available.
  6. People, who do not need to work but are not able to occupy themselves intellectually, get bored and dissatisfied, no matter if they are poor or rich.   
    People, who only get sexual homeostation and nothing else from the other gender, get bored and dissatisfied, no matter if they experience this as promiscuous predators or as cheaters on mismatched partners.
  7. Self-realization is a process of earning self-improvement by effort.   The more one invests in learning, the better it gets.   It is an enjoyable process, not a static final state.     
    Bonded commitment is a process of making efforts to earn attachment by improved emotional, intellectual and physical intimacy.    Happiness is the process of growing closer, it is not a final state. 
  8. Finding an opportunity to earn money depends on circumstances beyond individual control. Making oneself qualified to be suitable for the opportunity is the choice to make the effort.  
    Finding a compatible partner depends upon circumstances beyond individual control.   Learning to communicate and to be suitable as a considerate and responsible partner is the conscious choice to make the effort to learn. 
  9. If someone takes the money and does not earn it, he will not be allowed to stay in the job for long.
    If someone enters a relationship and only takes the advantages without caring equally for the other's needs, then the relationship cannot last.
  10. Fulfillment in a job means to know the requirements, to be qualified and to be motivated.
    Reciprocal happiness means to know the other's needs, to be able and motivated to fulfill them.