I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

252. Merging the Concepts of Instinctive and of Cognitive Mating

Merging the Concepts of Instinctive and of Cognitive Mating

Instinctive mating:
In entry 236 I explained, how mating between the instinct driven animals of the species homo sapiens is a three step process.   The first step is checking the visual and auditory signals for healthy offspring by sharing the social space, the second step is checking the chemistry by the olfactory perception of pheromones in the personal space and the third step is the copulation in the intimate space for the purpose of procreation.

Cognitive mating:
In the entries 174, 176, 178 and 185 I described the cognitive process of developing Commitment Governance as a process of three phases.  
The first phase is the decision phase to find out, if there is basic compatibility and if there are no incompatibilities, that are dealbreakers.  
The second phase is the engagement phase, which starts with an engagement pact.   This phase serves to verify the basic compatibility and the consistency between verbal agreements and actual behavior during direct personal contact.   This phase creates emotional and intellectual intimacy.   
The third phase is commitment, that begins with the commitment pact, which is the beginning of physical intimacy.

I am looking for my mindmate being hypoanimalistic.  That means, for him as for me, the forces of cognition are stronger than the forces of instincts.    But by hypoanimalistic I do not imply the complete absence of instincts, only the predominance of cognition, intelligence and rationality over the instincts.  

Hypoanimalistic mating is a process of the combined three steps of both concepts.    

1.   The decision phase includes the approaching and entering a shared social space.   In addition to the rational checking for intellectual and emotional compatibility, there is also the visual and auditory checking.  But the latter is not for the purpose of fitness for procreation, but to avoid physical repulsion as an obstacle to intimacy.
2.   The engagement phase includes the approaching and entering a shared personal space.   In addition to verifying in a more close contact, if there indeed is enough compatibility, there is also the olfactory checking to avoid repulsive reactions to each other's pheromones.       
3.   The third phase is commitment and sharing the intimate space.   Physical intimacy does not aim at procreation but as as symbolic beginning and then reinforcing of bonding and devotion of being a unit.