I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

254. Procreation and Cognitive Dissonance

Procreation and Cognitive Dissonance

Sometimes there are thoughts, that are so obvious, that they should have occurred to me but just did not, until I read them elsewhere.  

I got this link via a childfree people's mailing list:

This articles explains the attitude of parents glorifying and redefining raising children as a rewarding experience and their denial of all the unpleasantness by their attempt to avoid cognitive dissonance.  
This is obvious and logical.   I have been explaining some behaviors before by the avoidance of cognitive dissonance.     Yet it somehow did not occur to me to apply it to procreation.  

But there are some more implications to the attempts of resolving cognitive dissonance:
  • The behavior causing cognitive dissonance can be either an individual and personal decision or a general behavior.   
  • The decision can be reversible or irreversible.    
The choice of a career is an individual and reversible decision from available alternatives.   When for example someone decides to give up his job as a banker and become an artist, he does this only for himself and not because he thinks that there should be no bankers but only artists.  

The choice to procreate is an irreversible decision.    Once people have children, they are doomed to raise them or at least to pay for them to be raised and taken care of.    They cannot attempt to cope with all the disadvantages of raising children and after a few years decide, that it is enough and time to get rid of the burden.  
The choice to procreate is also not experienced as an individual choice.   Breeders consider themselves as normal, as doing the only right thing.    They do not consider it as a choice with an alternative, but as their determined purpose in life.   They glorify breeding not only for themselves, they also firmly believe this to be true for everybody else.    Also they glorify breeding as being heroes by doing a sometimes unpleasant duty. 

Therefore breeders are not free to fully resolve their cognitive dissonance by reconsidering the decision, their only option is to glorify breeding.   Resolving the cognitive dissonance does not mean, that they can really convince themselves that changing stinking napkins is a joyful and rewarding occupation in itself.   All they can do is repress and deny themselves the full awareness of the true amount of this unpleasantness and glorify instead the fulfillment of an alleged duty.    Therefore their cognitive dissonance cannot really be resolved, only reduced. 

Would they allow themselves to feel fed up with their children and regretting to have them, they would feel guilty and ashamed.  Instead they project their guilt and shame on all those people, who declare that they do not want children.   When breeders attack the childfree with anger, it is the anger at the repressed own regret of breeding not being as rewarding as it appears in their conscious glorification.