I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, March 28, 2011

264. Procrustes


The effect of an immature emotional moron upon a sensitive woman is emotionally, what Procrustes did physically to his victims.   
"he had an iron bed in which he invited every passer-by to spend the night, and where he set to work on them with his smith's hammer, to stretch them to fit. In later tellings, if the guest proved too tall, Procrustes would amputate the excess length"

The emotional moron believes, that everybody is like him.   He thinks this even about women, as long  as the differences are not obviously noticeable.    His interaction with a woman is determined by projection and by taking the validity of his projections for granted.  
  • He projects his needs upon her. 
    If he wants to be caring or give her something as his part of the relationship deal, he fulfills his own needs upon her, even if she protests and resists, because what he wants as good for himself is painful for her.    He is ignorant of her needs, if they are different from his.    It does not even occur to him, that she could have needs, that he is not aware of.   
  • He projects his denials, delusions and sore spots upon her.  
  • What he does not want to exist, in his mind also does not exist for her.    When he thinks, that something does not exist, he also cannot accept it as a problem for her and if it is, he considers it her flaw.    If he has an entitlement delusion, he expect to get his alleged due from her.    If he has sore spots, she takes it for granted that she knows without being told.   If she ignorantly touches them, he blames her.
  • He projects his own weaknesses and troubles upon her, depreciates her and even attempts to fix her.
  • He projects his own reaction patterns upon her.  
    Whatever she does, he believes that she did it for the same reason, for which he would have done it.    If he is not sincere, he also does not trust her.
    Whatever he does to her, he believes to know, how she will react.   If she reacts differently and he dislikes or does not understand it, he considers her as being flawed.    He does not doubt his prediction.   He does not consider to change his behavior to get the reaction, he wanted and expected.
    He does not take responsibility for his own actions, if she suffers from what he considers as correct behavior by projection.    He blames and considers her as flawed, when he confounds her reactions with independent actions.   
  • He projects that what is good for him is automatically good for her. 
    If she suffers, he firmly believes, that there is something wrong with her, he does not doubt, that what he has done was appropriate.    He never evaluates his own actions by taking her reaction into account. 
    If he is bonding disabled and perceives a woman automatically as a friend with benefits, he projects this on her and believes, that she is content when treated as such.
    If for him a relationship serves the purpose of gaining homeostasis for the urges of his instincts, he projects that he has to be a stud for her and nothing else.  
  • He projects also his attitudes on her, where they define complimentary behavior of the two genders.
    If he believes in the gender roles of male dominance as natural and correct, he projects on her her compliance to submit and feel content.  
    If he is a narcissist, he projects on her to be content as a co-narcissist. 
    If he sees a relationship as a complimentary deal, then he considers money and material benefits as a sufficient price for her maintaining his homeostasis.

Whenever he projects something on her, he takes it for granted, that she knows, what he wants and what not without explicitly talking about it.    If she does not fulfill his expectations, then he considers her as at fault, he does not consider any need to communicate explicitly.    If she does not comply with his expectations without being told, he begrudges her and gets angry.  

According to his projections, a woman can only be right, when she does, what he expects, or wrong otherwise.   He feels no need to get any information input from or about her.   That makes him a robot, who is determined by his innate projection program and cannot to be influenced from outside to adapt his program to any specific woman.   His program treats all women as one prototype.    He believes so much in his projections, that he is immune to any attempt to influence him by proffering information and feedback.   

For him a relationship is not a deal based upon each explicitly telling the other the own needs and checking, if the needs of the other can be fulfilled.    The emotional moron condescends to mold any haphazard woman, if he happens to get infatuated with her body.   Due to his projection, he has no doubt, that she will fulfill his needs and he hers.    If there are conflicts, he experiences her as a faulty copy of the prototype, not as a mismatch.  

He believes so much in his projections and in treating her how she should be treated, that he cannot acknowledge or admit, that she could ever be unhappy because of him.   Even when she outwardly shows serious indications of unhappiness or distress, he is unable to perceive it as such.    Instead he interprets it as behavior for the purpose of manipulating him.

He does not consciously search for a woman, who is as much like him as possible, so that she could be treated as the prototype of his program and be happy about it as is would be congruent with her person.   Instead he gets involved with any haphazard woman, whom he takes for granted to be only raw material to be reformed in a mold to fit his projections.    He believes her in need of molding, until she not only resembles his projections, but also expresses her approval.