I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

338. Consequencity

Sometimes the existence or absence of a word with a specific meaning in different languages is an indication of possible cultural differences.  

The words 'consequence' in English and 'Konsequenz' in German are a good example.    Only in German the word has a second meaning, that describes a personality trait.    According to a German definition, this second meaning could roughly be translated as tenacity, pertinacity, inveteracy.   But this is not a sufficient definition of this trait, which from now on I will call consequencity.   I found this word only four times in Google, with no clear meaning or definition.   Therefore I have hijacked this word and I will use it henceforth.

Consequencity is a significant part of my personality.   Sometimes I am mistaken for being stubborn or obstinate, but this is not the case, because I am always open and even motivated to being convinced by the input of information.

Rationality and logic are a method of problem solving and deciding.    Consequencity takes this one step further to also acting and behaving based upon rationality and logic.    The essence of rationality and consequencity is the collecting and evaluating of all available external and internal information, the entire combination of facts, evidence, introspection, memorized experience as the premises, and then not only drawing logical conclusions, but also sticking to them, until the premises change.   Only altered premises are a valid justification to change the decision and the behavior.    Consequencity means, that behavior will be changed only as a result of changed premises, but not under irrational and haphazard influences.  Consequencity is behavioral consistency with a conclusion, as long as the conclusion is valid.   

One example is nagging.   Many people give in to nagging and do, what they do not want to do, to stop being annoyed, pressured and stressed.    The nagging person learns, that nagging is successful and uses it more and more often.   
For a person with consequencity, if a 'no' is a 'no' the first time, then it remains a 'no' and nagging is futile.   Only if the other person supplies convincing input to change the premises, this can lead to a reevaluation of the issue and a possible change towards a 'yes'.    

Domination by the method of bullying a disagreeing target is another example.    
A relationship between a person with strong consequencity and someone, who due to his entitlement delusion expects beyond doubt to get everything he wants by merely expressing a demand is a very toxic constellation.   He feels entitled to use aggression, pressure and intimidation, when his demands are not immediately followed by compliance.   Most victims of a bully give in to get temporary relief, thus they reinforce the bully to use intimidation more and more frequently.   The price for short term relief is long-term enhancement of their own plight.   
The person with consequencity refuses to yield to being bullied, s/he will not comply with demands, unless and until the demand is justified by shared convincing premises.   In a relationship, this means it to be inside the framework of a fair balance of giving and receiving and the agreements from the relationship deal.    Resisting the bully is achieved at very high emotional costs.  Being the target of anger and rage and persisting intimidation drains and exhausts anybody to the limits of endurance.      If the bully has already learned elsewhere, how successful intimidation can be, then he will not easily stop this method.
Being bullied and dominated is the highway to devastation.  The more a woman is submissive and conciliatory, the more this prolongs the process, while consequencity accelerates it and the limit of endurance is reached faster.   

To sum it up:  If someone wants to influence the behavior of a person with strong consequencity, there is only one successful method.   It is to give a compellingly valid reason to do it.   While it is easy to refuse anything irrational, it is difficult to resist stringently convincing reasons. The behavior of a person with consequencity can only be influenced by constructive communication or else at the point of a gun.   

I am willing to give people, what is fair, I have compassion for people's needs, I am willing to consider and to comply with wishes and suggestions, when I am honored with convincing reasons.  But if someone attempts irrational methods of coercion or manipulation, then they get nothing from me except repugnance.    Anybody, who wants or needs to dominate, should keep away from me, as the catastrophe would be unavoidable.