I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Monday, July 25, 2011

354. Dumbing Down

Dumbing Down

This blog is a good representation of my way of thinking, of what interests me and of what I not only feel comfortable to talk about but enjoy doing so.    In my imagination of a meaningful life with a mindmate, deep communication about matters as mentioned in this blog and whatever intellectual interests he brings along would make an enjoyable lingering over hours at the breakfast table or at a picnic at a nice place.       

But the more often I experience the failure and lack of reciprocity of my attempts to engage in some profound meaningful and rational communication and correspondence, the more I am puzzled, why so few men seem to have similar inclinations and wishes.    Entry 353 gives an example. 

There are several possible hypotheses:  

1.   Men are unable to comprehend or to enjoy my way of communicating, either by immaturity or by lack of intellectuality.   

Until I started to search for a match on the Internet, I was convinced, that any person intelligent enough to get a BA would be able to understand my reasoning either in personal conversation or in writing.    I am certainly not a genius and I am lacking the hubris to really claim, that men having the same level of formal education as my German equivalent of an MA could be so much dumber than myself as being unable to comprehend my thoughts.    
Yet on the other hand I may be overestimating the level of abstract thinking required to get a degree.   With a very good memory people can compensate to a certain extent for lacking reasoning skills.   The narcissistic bluffer as described in entry 287 is an example.   

2.   Men are lacking the ability to appreciate women's intelligence as a consequence of their affliction of being driven by the recurrent need for homeostation.

This impedes men from ever or often enough consciously experiencing women's true abilities.   Most of the time, which men spend together with women, their state of dishomeostasis derails their entire focus upon the woman's body.    In this state, their brains are too blurred and dysfunctional (more in entry 330), they are not able to appreciate a woman's intelligence until their homeostasis is restored.   
2.1.  Both single men and single women with a full time job have only a few hours of spare time in the evening and free weekends.    In this situation of limited free time, the women have a big advantage.     They have a clear head and fully functional brain to chose, how to use all their time for whatever is beneficial for their entire person, reading, culture, meaningful socializing or whatever interests them.   
But the single men are again and again driven by their affliction to go hunting for prey, the story in entry 318 is a typical example.   Such predators' close contact with women is limited to those times, when they are the most disabled from recognizing women's intelligence.   Instead they are completely reduced to the intellectual level of an animal.  As soon and while these men have temporarily restored homeostasis, they attempt to make the best use of their short periods of clear thinking.   If during these times of clarity they ever do engage in meaningful communication with women, it is an exception from all other important occupations pressed into too little time.  
2.2.  If a man is in a committed relationship, especially living together, he has a subscription to regular homeostation.  The hours of the day, when his brain is still the clearest, are spent at his job and not with his partner.   Many of his waking hours are filled with other requirements of everyday life and a vast portion of the together time with his partner is also spent in rehomeostation activities.   The time for counterbalancing intellectual sharing in the state of homeostasis is scarce.  
2.3.   When a man in the state of dishomeostasis interacts with a woman, whose intelligence and formal education matches his, but her mind is clear, while his is blurred by his state, then he perceives himself temporarily as less smart and less intelligent than the woman and this is unpleasant, frustrating and intimidating.   He wants to avoid experiencing this by either looking for less intelligent women or by focusing so entirely upon her body and homeostation, that he can remain oblivious of her intelligence.

All this together causes men to associate a woman predominantly with the use of her body, while they are mindblind to all her other, especially the intellectual qualities.

3.  There is the possibility of a spiral of reciprocal dumbing down.

I read about women dumbing down to appear less smart to men, in the awareness of how some men just cannot deal with a woman being as smart as they are, let alone being smarter in any way.  

"But, what’s a girl with a brain to do? One of my friends who went to a very prestigious university often finds herself in situations with men who feel intimidated by her worldliness, by her ability to speak multiple languages, by her wit and intelligence.

However, rather than using this as a gauge to find men that are appreciative of her intellectual capabilities, she has become obsessed with hiding her true nature. Instead, she focuses on topics such as the weather, her hair and pop culture when in social settings with men.

I asked her why she does this and she claims that she would rather have a boyfriend than be alone. And, in order to get a boyfriend, she believes that she can’t let them know that she is smarter than they are. So, she plays dumb."
This can have very detrimental consequences, if too many women dumb down.   Because then men start to seriously mistake that artificial understatement as true deficiency of women.   As a reaction, men then also start to dumb down to accommodate the women, who all are either dumb or pretend to be dumb.    This could lead to the absurd situation, that a woman, who is interested in literature, talks about fashion and gossip to dump down for a man, who talks about the same shallow topics, while he is interested in science and also considers the woman as too dumb for this topic. 

Once both the men and the women have developed habitual dumbing down as common behavior, stupidity becomes the mutual expectation.   A really dumb person has difficulties to distinguish between the really dumb and the dumbed down people.   This is why the dumbing down spiral starts turning, when the already dumb women dumb down even further to accommodate the really or apparently equally dumb men.    Considering what is happening in mainstream society, that spiral has already started turning and continues to do so.

As soon as all women either are or appear dumb by pretending, then an intelligent may never have met a recognizably intelligent woman.  He has never had a chance to learn how to recognize one, if he gets in contact with her.   When stupidity is the norm, then even the intelligent man's expectations are derailed and distorted.    He is unable to recognize the exception, who refuses to dumb down herself, he treats her according to the expectation of general stupidity.  

It has never occurred to me to dumb down.  There is nothing attracting me to dumb men.  It is the contrary, I always want to present myself as who I am.   If truly dumb men feel intimidated and threatened, then it is better not to be bothered any further with them and it is good riddance.   
But my refusal to dumb down does not help against the inability of men, who are already too much mislead by their prejudices about all women being dumb.   When they cannot recognize me for what and who I really am, then their prejudice determines their behavior so much, that their perception is blocked.   When their own behavior is too dumb, they are not able to elicit a reaction to correct the prejudice.  Even when they are not really dumb, they have never learned, how to embark in a non-dumb interaction with a woman.      
It is as if men would not only believe all blondes to be dumb, but they would also believe that all women with different hair color are just dyed blondes.      

Most probably, all three hypotheses are an explanation for some of those men, who are not responding to correspondence, profiles or this blog with the deep, rational, thoughtful communication, which I am craving for so much.    In this world, so much dominated by irrationality, gullibility, shallowness, animality, oversexation, stupidity, preposterosity, I feel like an alien.    I do not wish to be different from who I am, but I wished that there were more people like me and I would know, where they are.  Especially I wish I would find that one mindmate for me.