I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

353. An Incompatible Man's Incompatible Behavior

An Incompatible Man's Incompatible Behavior

Both, whom to initiate contact with and how to react to initiatives, are guided by the attitude towards a person as a partner.    A wise and mature person in full awareness of reciprocity checks not only, if the other complies with his own criteria, but also, if he complies with the expressed criteria in the other's profile.   
Therefore on dating sites I have listed my own criteria in my profiles and also the suggestion to read this blog.    I am far from having any narcissistic intention or delusion of pouring out wisdom onto the web for others to greedily inhale it.  There are enough good contributions from others making my addition superfluous.   
My only purpose for writing this blog is to find a mindmate, and whoever else enjoys reading it, is just welcome.    Only a man looking for a female mindmate craving intellectual intimacy can logically be expected to be someone very interested and motivated to read this blog.   He would not read it to learn something, but to compare our values, attitudes, goals, needs, identities.    If a man is not interested in reading this blog, this tells me that he is willing to get involved with any haphazard woman.   Even if he appeared interested in me, this would not be because of my deep thinking as I have presented in what I have written here.

Unfortunately, there are just too many men, who would accept any haphazard woman.    A recent example:
A few days ago, I initiated contact after discovering someone's profile indicating the possibility of compatibility.   Therefore I expected that he would look at my profile and check himself against my criteria and me against his before replying.  

I was a bit taken aback, when his only reaction was asking me to send him a photo.    Giving him the benefit of the doubt, that this were just a thoughtless reaction, I wrote back a lengthy explanation, why I do not want to be chosen or rejected by my looks as a body from a catalogue.     This led to the exchange of several emails, in which I attempted to explain, that I am a person, for whom it is important to be taken for serious as having a brain.    Being so very different from the prototypical female, I considered it important to give an outline of my way of thinking.   
This was meant as proactive explaining, to preclude misunderstandings and misinterpretations, especially because some men not only jump to conclusions from assumptions, projections and previous experiences, but also take them so much for granted, that they do not even explicitly mention them.    He mistook my proactive explanations as if I were excusing myself.   I have no reason to make excuses being myself, but being different from some men's expectations and preventing misunderstandings. 
He claimed to take a woman for serious and to respect her as a person.   I wonder, what this really means in his own interpretation.    After a few emails, he did send me a picture, on which he was clean shaven.  But he did not make any comment about the discrepancy with my profile, where I clearly stated my looking for someone bearded.     That made me ask him directly, if he had ever read my profile.  As it seems, he did this only after that question.    
In his next email, he finally came up with some facts.   While in contrast to the picture, he does have a beard, he also has children.   So one of the main reasons, while I had contacted him at all, was at least incorrect, if not a lie.   

It is disheartening, how I get led on into false hopes and disappointments by men, who are unable to take me for serious.