I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

434. Transgressions And Emotional Dishomeostasis

434.  Transgressions And Emotional Dishomeostasis

Human behavior is motivated by a combination of the urge to restore homeostasis and of the wish to stimulate the pleasure center.    Such behavior can be an immediate response or it can be delayed in anticipation and imagination.   Dishomeostasis diminishes or eliminates the responsiveness of the pleasure center to stimulation.   But once homeostasis is restored, the stimulation of the pleasure center becomes a strong incentive for behavior.  

Dishomeostasis can be either physical or emotional, it can be either caused by the person's self or by external agents. 

The following examples are implicitly accepted by most people.
  • Intrinsic physical dishomeostasis:   While a person has a splitting headache, nothing can stimulate his pleasure center, until a painkiller has restored homeostasis.   
  • Extrinsic physical dishomeostasis:  While a person is restrained in a straight jacket, nothing can stimulate the pleasure center, until the person is set free.
  • Intrinsic emotional dishomeostasis:  While a person grieves for something out of reach or has just failed at a task, nothing can stimulate the pleasure center, until the period of grief is over.  

There is another special form of emotional dishomeostasis, that is often overlooked, denied or ignored.     
  • Extrinsic emotional dishomeostasis.    This is caused, when a person is the victim of a transgression.   Feeling hurt by being betrayed, manipulated, cheated, lied to, causes a state of emotional dishomeostasis.  
The only way of restoring emotional homeostasis is the transgressor's earning forgiveness.   This requires his showing insight, guilt and remorse.   The emotional dishomeostasis persists, until the victim perceives the transgressor's changed attitude as enough justification to forgive.
But transgressors often are not aware of this.   They attempt to outbalance the effects of the transgression by buying gifts or pampering the victim in any other way aiming at the stimulation of the pleasure center.   This does not work.   While suffering emotional dishomeostasis, the victim's pleasure center is unreceptive to stimulation.  

This leads to an impasse.   The transgressor believes, that he has paid for his transgression a hundredfold.  Therefore he feels entitled to be forgiven and to move on.  The victim of the transgressions did not experience any effect of the attempted compensation upon her pleasure center.     The victim continues to suffer from emotional dishomeostasis and to feel an unreduced need for the transgressor's proactive restoring of her emotional homeostasis.  

Epicurus' principle of not harming and not being harmed include the proactive avoidance of causing emotional dishomeostasis as an importatn part of the responsibility in the interaction with others.