I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

443. The Benefits And Hazards Of Humor

The Benefits And Hazards Of Humor

Sometimes I am suspected to be void of any humor.   Once again I was just asked, if I have any humor.   Therefore it is time to explain this impression.  

I reserve humor to the unambiguity of the interaction with persons, whom I know personally.    I already mentioned the joy of consent in entries 420 and 423.   Reacting to the same triggers for sharing laughter is certainly a good source for the joy of consent.  

But with strangers, the situation is completely different.   Humor can be a big hazard impeding constructive communication.  

There are different possible errors:
  • Humour can be misunderstood as serious and the recipient feels offended.   This can either start unnecessary hostility or the avoidance of further contact.  
  • A serious statement is mistaken as humour.  The message is not understood and can lead to many misunderstandings and misinterpretations.   
  • A person, who needs the clarification of either of the two possible misunderstandings, feels embarrassed.   
Reasons for these errors are often:
  1. Cultural differences cause special problems, when people of different cultures or different nations embark in written communications.  The line between what is considered funny or offensive is elusive and fuzzy.   
  2. Humour can be associated with references commonly known by everybody in one culture, but incomprehensible to outsiders. 
  3. Different use of the language between native speakers of different nations, regions, dialects or between people using a common second language can cause misunderstandings.
  4. Apparently innocent expressions of humor can touch someone's sore spot and the person feels hurt and insulted.    Even if this person is aware of the problem and avoids to show any reaction, this can nevertheless lead to subtle feelings of resentment.  
  5. In personal contact, the non-verbal reactions of a little known person help as clues to get aware of blunderous humor.   This enables to avoid frictions by an apology, while this is not possible in written contact. 
My strategy with strangers is to always take statements for serious, whenever in doubt.  I prefer to be accused of lacking humour as the price for avoiding misunderstandings and involuntary offences.