I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

451. Attitude And Performance

Attitude And Performance

My profile text on dating sites contains this sentence:   
Men, who are cheating or who are promiscuous and looking for uncommitted physical affairs of any kind, evoke my nausea.

Sometimes I am getting feedback from men pointing out to me, that in my age group, men would have grown out of such behaviors due to a reduction of the instinctive urges.   
This feedback indicates a lack of comprehension of the real issue.  My rejection of promiscuous men is more than the mere worry of getting hurt by a jerk's behavior.   It is a criterion for the mental and intellectual quality of a man being suitable as an equal partner. 

Promiscuous men perceive and consider women predominantly as bodies to be temporarily used.   They feel justified to do so.   They degrade, depreciate and disrespect women.   I perceive them as repugnant and repulsive.
Monogamous men perceive and consider women predominantly as personalities and companions with physical intimacy as a side effect.    They appreciate and respect women.   I am attracted to this attitude.  

Promiscuity or monogamy are not just different sets of behaviors, they are different attitudes motivating different behaviors.  

A man's promiscuity is defined by his attitude to women, even when there are circumstantial obstacles impeding to perform the promiscuous behavior.     When a promiscuous man becomes (nearly) impotent by age or due to health issues, this does not change his repulsive attitude.   As long as he continues to consider women as bodies to be used, it makes not difference if he physically succeeds to use female bodies or if he only wishes to do so.      

I am looking for a man, who is able to perceive a woman as a companion and for whom monogamous commitment fulfills his own intellectual and emotional needs.    I am not looking for a man, who appears superficially as pseudo-monogamous, because he is not physically able to perform according to his promiscuous attitude and wish.