I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

444. Generalized Projection

Generalized Projection

Projection in the limited meaning as a defence mechanism describes the tendency to blame own faults and weaknesses upon others and judge them accordingly.   The projector is not aware, that in reality he blames his own problems on the other.   He is also not aware, that the projectee usually does not really have them.

There is a different kind of behavioral dynamics, that for lack of a better word, I will call 'generalized projection'.   In this case, the projector is fully aware of his own tendencies to behave due to traits and attitudes.   
The projection is not directly between two individuals.    Instead the projector considers his own tendencies as to be found in all humans.  He assumes this behavior, trait or attitude as normal, average, general and a part of human nature.   The projectee in any interaction is an individual specimen of this generalization.

The dangerous flaw in this projection is the projector's ignorance, oblivion and sometimes denial of individual predispositions and differences.  He does neither notice nor consider the possible harm of allowing his own behavior be guided by this projection.     
There are four varieties. 
  1. The projector justifies his proactive behavior, because he expects the same from the projectee. 
    The behavior is acknowledged as unpleasant and unsatisfactory, but considered as necessary, unavoidable and justified to prevent becoming the victim of someone else doing the same.   Most selfish behaviors fit this pattern.  
    • People compete for scarce resources instead of cooperating, because they expect others to otherwise take advantage.    While some get the benefits, others get nothing.
    • People lie because they expect to be lied to, because trusting more is a risk.
    • People dump a partner to prevent or preclude being dumped.  
    Competing, lying, dumping are considered as universally acceptable due to the alleged lack of a better alternative, even though nobody wants to lose, be lied to or dumped. 
  2. The projector justifies his proactive behavior, because he wishes for the same from the projectee.
    The projector perceives the behavior as beneficial for himself and projects it to be also beneficial to others. 
    • Religious missionaries and gurus, influence people to make sacrifices, donations and ritualy for a common goal, like praying for rain.
    • Users believing in quackeries insist to help others by propagating the quackeries as remedies due to their misguided empathy with another's pain.
  3. The projector justifies his proactive behavior, because he wishes for the same from the projectee.
    The projector perceives the behavior as beneficial for himself and projects it to be also beneficial to others.   He is aware, that the behavior is sometimes perceived and considered as harmful.  But those, who do not perceive it as beneficial, are considered as deviant, ignorant or flawed.   This is an expression of a self-centered lack of empathy. 
    • A promiscuous man lures a woman to allow him to use her body, projecting that she profits as much from promiscuity as he does.   He considers her wish to have a monogamous relationship as her flaw.
    • Someone advices to take illegal addictive drugs as a remedy against grief and unhappiness, while this still works for himself.
  4. The projector does not justify his proactive behavior, because he does not even conceive it as a choice requiring a justification.  Alternatives are unthinkable and beyond imagination.
    The projector does not evaluate the impact of his behavior at all, neither as pleasant or unpleasant, because it is taken for granted, that both the projector and the projectee are equally the target.
    • A stupid person, who is unable to understand another person's communication, considers the other automatically as even more stupid than himself.
    • A religious person projects the need for a religious faith upon others and cannot even imagine, how it is to be apistic.
    • A parent pities a childfree person without any comprehension, that being childfree is a preference.

These are just a few examples to show the hazard of projections.   It is very important that any behavior concerning another person needs to be scrutinized before acting.   Proactive behavior needs to be based upon the consideration, how the impact upon the other is subjectively experienced.   Only the own experience of the target is of importance, not the projected alleged effects.   

A close committed relationship is especially vulnerable to being disrupted and damaged by projections.    Individuals choosing each other as compatible mindmates for the joy of consent can only make a wise choice, when they are aware of the real personality of the partner and not misled by projections.