I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

438. Accepting Or Rejecting Friend Requests?

 Accepting Or Rejecting Friend Requests?

On social networks like Facebook, people declare themselves mutually as friends.  It is public information, who is accepted as a friend.   
My own page on Facebook only serves the purpose of creating a link to this blog, for the case, that my mindmate to be found discovers my Facebook page.    

I have decided to principally refuse all friend requests anywhere.   Having a public list of chosen contacts on a profile has no benefits whatsoever for me.    When a total stranger on a page like Facebook wants to become a friend, he is a haphazard contact and certainly not somebody, who qualifies to be called a friend in the full meaning of the word. 
When I discuss topics on any public forum or blog, I reply to a topic, not to a person.   Everybody on the web or at least every member of the forum can read it.   
When I talk to one specific person only, I do this in private emails.    If I want to address several persons, I can send an email to a group.  
Nothing of this requires a public list of contacts.   

But there are several reasons, why having persons as apparent friends can be disadvantageous for my search for a mindmate:
  1. The choice of whom someone accepts and declares as a friend is generally an indication of personality.   For my main objective of finding a mindmate, I need to present myself as correctly as possible.   Any careless acceptance of haphazard contacts as 'friends' can give a very wrong impression of me.  
    I could for example make the mistake of adding someone as an atheist, being ignorant of his promiscuity admitted elsewhere.   This bears the risk of giving the wrong impression of promiscuity tolerance.   This would enhance the problem of being contacted by the wrong men.  Even worse, being mistaken as tolerant or accepting for what I find repulsive bears also the risk of deterring those non-promiscuous men, whom I want to find.  
  2. To be carefully selective, whose friend request to accept, is very difficult, usually lacking the information needed for an appropriate decision.
  3. By selectively accepting friend requests, I would offend all those, whom I reject for reasons not obvious to them.    Avoiding offending people makes it easier to have discussions in a factual way about topics.  
  4. Starting the friends list with only one man can be misleading.   He can be mistaken as special and significant to me, even though he really is only a haphazard contact.   This could possibly deter the shy and reticent possible mindmates from contacting me.  But refraining from competing is a quality, that I appreciate in a man.