I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

94. Empathy, Projection, Imagination

Empathy, Projection, Imagination

Empathy is an important ability, when bonded with a mindmate.   It allows to know, what the other feels, and to react to it and treat him the way he needs to be treated.  

But empathy has its limits when dealing with people, who are very different.   Especially people, who are the majority, like those with the particles identity, are often not aware, that what they consider universal empathy cannot be successfully applied to very different persons in a minority.    What they believe to be empathy, in reality is a projection.    Projection here is meant in a general way, not as a defense mechanism.

The behavior of the projecting person can be unpleasant and detrimental to the target.    This kind of projection should be avoided with great care.

What is needed instead is imagination of how different people in different situations feel, react and what they need.   This needs to be based upon knowledge, and not assumptions.  This kind of imagination is also useful to realistically know oneself under different circumstances.

An example:   A woman's child is stillborn.  
I lacking all procreation instinct, do not feel any empathy for her at all.   
But with imagination I know, that this is a traumatic life event and that she needs a lot of consolation and compassion.
With projection, I would buy a bottle of champagne and congratulate her to be spared 18 years of slavery.
It goes the other way too.  Many times I have been pitied by projection, when I gave the information of not having children.    Would those motherly types hear me tell them, that I am childfree by choice, with imagination they could more adequately react with something like 'good for you'.

Outsiders like hypoanimalistic persons with individualistic identities are quite often the target of unpleasant and hurting projections of well meaning persons from the majority of breeding particles.