I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

239. Hostility or Exasperation

Hostility or Exasperation

I got this feedback in a private mail.

"Your blog seems a bit hostile in a way. It as if you are magnifying something in the sunlight and those who get too close will be burned up to ashes by your scathing comments."

When there is mutual respect and appreciation with a partner, I am a kind, caring, friendly, gentle, peaceful, considerate person, very motivated to invest any time and energy to make the relationship work.    I am void of any hostility or aggression towards any person, whom I respect and appreciate.    I avoid hostility by avoiding all people, who would not deserve anything better than hostility and scathing.

When writing the blog about what I do not want, I am obviously influenced by my growing exasperation of having to deal with too many unsuitable men.    Men with the qualities of my mindmate are very scarce, and I need a lot of searching to find him.   My search exposes me to being pestered by absurd contacts, that I am fending off by the dozens every day. 

So yes, I am sick and tired, I am exasperated to the max of dealing directly or indirectly with unsuitable men, who either make me puke by their promiscuity and lack of decency, or who blatantly disrespect my clearly expressed own criteria and my age.   But I have no choice.    If I would stop exposing myself to the nuisance of the unsuitable men, I would also cut myself off the chance to find my mindmate. 

Therefore my exasperation may well border on hostility towards all the unsuitable men, whom I wish to just stop pestering me.    I do not want to be hostile, all I want is finding my mindmate and never again have to deal with those unsuitable guys.  

1.   I am using several chats, where there is the possibility of a one to one dialogue.    There is an indication of my age along with my nickname.    When I first started to use those chats, I felt disappointed every time, when I was contacted, and again it was somebody too young.   In the beginning I thought, that those misguided kids needed to be told, that while they may see a  benefit for themselves in talking to a mature old woman, this is not reciprocal and that they are disturbing me.   Young people have their place in their own age group just as I have a place in mine.    
But after a few times politely telling some of them to refrain from disturbing me, I could not keep this up.   Out of every 100 male persons, who contact me in the chat, at least 95 are too young to be considered as men by a woman of 61, most of them are just kids in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
The three clicks to just block each of them became a dull routine.   And the more often I blocked one of them, the less I perceived  this as getting rid of a disturbing unsuitable humans.   Instead I perceive  them as abstract annoyances and nuisances, just like flies.   
When, after ridding myself of 95 flies, there finally is someone of the correct age group, then often he is either married or not searching for a serious relationship.       
2.   It is similar with the replies to my ads and profiles on dating sites.   At least 95 of those, who contact me, do so in contradiction to my very explicit criteria.    Being again and again contacted by religious breeders is also a nuisance. 
3.   I am the frequent target of scammers, because they consider old and lonely women as especially easy prey.    I have learned to recognize scammers very fast, but they do not know this, they try it again and again with me.   On some French sites, there are more scammers than real men. 
4.   When I look through profiles on those dating sites, where there is an option to choose as looking for no strings attached fun, flings, casual sex, friends with benefits, intimate encounters and similar expressions for being alley dogs, usually 80%, sometimes even 90% percent of men indicate this as at least an additional option, even when they are also looking for a long-term relationship.    There are very few decent men, who limit their search exclusively to a long-term relationship or a marriage.   But if I do not read the disgusting profiles, I cannot find the decent ones.     

I feel very exasperated.   When I will be happy with my mindmate, I will have earned that happiness with hard, dreary, unpleasant and dragging labor of fending off all those unsuitable guys and wading through a lot of disgusting mental human filth.