quest


I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:
marulaki@hotmail.com


The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

240. Chemistry and Subconscious Instinctive Communication - 4

Chemistry and Subconscious Instinctive Communication - 4   

This continues entry 238.

General scenario:   A woman and a man, each married, are colleagues at work.   Due to their adjacent desks, the share their social space.   Sometimes they also share their personal space, when being in crowded conditions like using public transport together.    

1. Their interaction is under the influence of:
1.1.  The attraction of the other's body according to the checking by the instinct.   It can be between zero as the result of previous checking and very strong.
1.2.  The capacity to perceive the attraction and checking by the other.
1.3. The amount of desensitization and denial keeping the feeling and perceiving of attraction below the threshold of consciousness and the individual level of the threshold.
1.4. The outcome depends also on external circumstances, their strength of self-control and their consciousness of the consequences of defective behavior.


2.  Possible symmetrical scenarios.

2.1.  Truly platonic:   There is no instinctive attraction and they can work together without trouble
2.2.  Pseudo-Platonic:   The mutual instinctive attraction is below the threshold and they also can work together without trouble
2.3.  Disturbing:   Their mutual instinctive attraction reaches consciousness above a low threshold.   They do not want to cheat, they feel uncomfortable and solve the problem by finding other work arrangements.
2.4.  Disruptive:   Their mutual instinctive attraction reaches consciousness above a high threshold, maybe triggered under alcohol at some social event.    This leads to cheating.

3.  Possible asymmetrical scenarios.
 
3.1.  Onesided disturbing:  One feels instinctive attraction consciously above a low level threshold.   The other does not feel attraction and either is or is not conscious of the situation.    The one feeling the attraction is very uncomfortable and can only solve this by getting out from this situation. 
3.2.  Onesided disruptive:  One feels instinctive attraction consciously above a high level threshold.   The other does not feel attraction or attraction below the threshold.    This is the situation, usually of a woman, who is under sexual harassment.  The male predator is pushing his attentions on a female prey, while he is ignorant, if this is welcome or not.   If she is lucky, the harassing colleague gets removed.   
3.3.  Onesided disruptive and power:  One feels instinctive attraction consciously above a high level threshold.   The other does not feel attraction or attraction below the threshold.   The male predator is pushing his attentions on a female prey, while he is either ignorant and not interested, if this is welcome or not, or he is forcing his attentions on a rejecting female.     This is the situation, usually of a woman, who is under the sexual harassment of a boss, and all she can do is get out of the situation.  


Based on the delusions of underestimating the instincts and overestimating self-control and the deterrent effect of sanctions, unrestricted mingling of pairs of the opposite genders is considered as harmless.   People organize their every day life at work and their social life, as if truly and pseudo-platonic interactions were guarantied for all people, who intented it this way.   

If people had a more realistic notion of the power of the instincts over them, they could prevent some of the disturbing and disruptive scenarios.