I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

297. The Backlash of Not Trusting

The Backlash of Not Trusting

A jerk (or an emotional moron) often gets involved in an intimate relationship, that should be intrinsic commitment based upon trust, but he does not trust.   The jerk avoids the danger of being taken advantage of by an allegedly not trustworthy woman, but he pays a very high price for his caution. He damages his reputation of being reasonable, competent and sane. 

The jerk's behavior is motivated by his emotions, his needs, his attitudes, his basic values, his morals, his plans, his sore spots, his life experience and other parts of his personality.  Usually his behavior can be logically explained, but only when all his motivations and their subjective magnitude and urgency are known.  
But the jerk, who is unable to trust, hides as much as he can of what he considers as dangerous information.   As a result, his behavior is incomprehensible and appears strange, weird, ludicrous and dysfunctional.    Casual observers can shrug their shoulders, but a woman, who is the frequent target of painful and incomprehensible actions, starts to wonder.    She asks him questions in her attempt to understand, but his answers seem to be never convincing, but often absurd.   In his efforts to hide his true self, he excuses and pseudo-explanations are just lame and not logically convincing.   

The longer she gets puzzled about his inconsistent and strange behaviors, the more she looses respect, until she is wondering, if he is a weirdo, a halfwit or brain damaged.   When she treats him as such, he gets even more of a jerk and a bully, and things deteriorate even faster. 
A relationship without trust is doomed.