I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

299. Emotional Cheating

Emotional Cheating
If a jerk or an emotional moron accepts not to cheat, he does this, because it is such a common simple rule, that even he can understand, that he risks to loose the woman and therefore the control over his commodity.    But an emotional moron often has no clue about the meaning of emotional cheating and the boundaries of discretion and exclusivity.
In entry 253 I described, how an emotional moron can be someone, who is his only one-man-ingroup, and everybody is outgroup, no matter what social roles they have, and that a woman in his life also is outgroup.   He may share with her the bed and the roof, but other than that, he does not value or perceive her as someone special, with whom he would share exclusive intellectual and emotional bonds, of which the rest of the world is excluded and which is protected by discretion.  

The behavior of the emotional moron depends upon his general level of trust.   He may be so distrusting, that he refuses to share his innermost feelings and the truth about his motives even with his partner.   I described, what happens in this situation in entry 297 about The Backlash of Not Trusting.

The emotional moron often has no perception for boundaries and the subtle differences of social roles.   He does not know, whom to keep how much emotional distance of.   He lacks any sense of discretion and tells to outsiders details of the relationship, that he owes to his partner to keep private.    He does not even bother to inform her or to ask her permission before his indiscretions.   He is violating her trust and this is a form of betrayal.   It is emotional cheating, when he shares details of his relationship with other women.    He commits a transgression.

When he tells private details to a third party in her presence, she at least has the chance to correct wrong impressions by adding her own point of view.  
But if a man tells others about their private life without her knowledge, then she is prone to meet his friends or acquaintances, being oblivious of what he has told them and what wrong ideas they have about her.   She meets people, with whom he has ruined her reputation with onesided accounts of conflicts and she cannot correct it.

A couple's life needs to be kept discreetly from all outsiders.    If an intrinsically committed partner tries in vain to communicate with a bonding disabled other, and she is in so much distress, that she needs support, then she may have no choice but to confide in a close friend, but this is only acceptable as an exception from the rule of exclusivity.  

Emotional morons are a hazard to a woman in many ways.