I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

169. Answering T's Questions - 3

Answering T's Questions - 3
"I'm becoming less selective, not more.  I've decided that women and men are just different, so I will never find a perfect mate. "
"So if I have a relationship with a woman in the future, I will assume based on my experience that we will have only some things in common, and I won't ask her to be my everything.  "

"The more flexible I am in accepting differences in other people, the more likely I am to find someone."

"Likewise, she can believe in a deity that I don't believe in, as long as our values are the same; and so on."

The answer to this question again depends on the function of a partner in one's life.   If a woman is only a toilet for a man as described in entry 168, then logically she can be a haphazard personality, as long as he can use her in this function to his satisfaction.

For me as a bonding woman, this is very different.   My dignity is at stake, if a man gets the use of my body, instead of getting bonded with a partner, mutually respecting and appreciating each other as equals, both morally and intellectually.   Therefore my choice is only between fully respecting a man on the basis of being bonded egalitarians or no relationship.    Would I soil my dignity by getting involved with an unworthy man, I would feel very bad about it.     

There can be differences in hobbies, interests and tastes, someone can enjoy activities, in which I have no interest, as long as they are acceptable in the frame of shared values and a minimum level of intellectuality.     

But the believe in a deity is outside the very vital value of rationality.    I know, that some people need the delusion of a deity as a psychological crutch, that nobody should attempt to take away without feeling responsible for the consequences.    I have compassion for those in need of a deity, but it is condescension, because I do not respect them for that defect in their rationality.   Therefore a man, who has the mental defect of being religious, is not suitable for me.   

Unsuitable are also those men, who are tolerant to what I consider serious transgressions.   If someone is tolerant to something, he would not feel guilty if doing the same, and that scares me.    I have much less trust in someone, who promises me to never do something, because he values me at that moment enough to wish to avoid loosing me.   At any moment, when he values me less as the consequence of a conflict, he would be capable to hurt me with transgressions.  I have much more trust in someone, who agrees with me in defining the same behaviors as serious transgressions and who would never do them to preserve his own self-esteem.