I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Friday, December 3, 2010

171. Different Searching Strategies

Different Searching Strategies

When reading discussions about the difficulty of finding a suitable partners, it occurred to me, that the kind of approach people have, is determined by the kind of their primary need for wanting a relationship.  

There is the meet-to-find-out approach, and the find-out-before-meeting approach.   These of course are again the two extreme ends of the bell curve, with a lot of mixed approaches in between.  

1.  Those, who are driven by their instincts, choose a partner primarily as a result of and as a preference for physical attraction, because their main goal is to experience physical passion.   If they are attracted by a picture of someone, that is enough for them to want to meet, to verify the attraction and to check the chemistry first, and then find out during repeated dates, if the personality also is acceptable.    They are willing to tolerate lots of intellectual differences as a price for the possibility of infatuation.   If there is no immediate physical attraction, then they loose interest.    This approach only works, when the distance is not too great to meet easily.   Therefore this approach restricts them to a local search.  

2.  Those, who are more determined by rationality and intellectuality, choose a partner for the personal attraction of being a good companion.   They are able to find out enough about each other by email and telephone to get attracted by each other's personality.   They are able to exclude basic incompatibilities, before they decide to meet.    When they meet, physical neutrality is enough as a starting point.   Only physical repulsion cannot be overcome.  But when there is physical neutrality and emotional and intellectual attraction, they have the patience to allow physical closeness and attraction to slowly develop and grow.   This approach can work with any distance.  

I already mentioned the concept of self-arranged relationships in entry 29.   I just heard a heartwarming story:
Some man of about my age, when this happened, was suggested by his neighbour to meet her daughter as he might like her.   Since then, they became inseparable and for over a decade they have gone everywhere together, traveling and doing fun activities.  

If only all kind, warmhearted and caring people would dare to introduce their neighbours, friends, colleagues or acquaintances to each other, whenever they have the assumption, that two persons were a good match.    Maybe there would be less lonely people on this planet. 
Some people like me are just determined to find someone, no matter how much effort it takes and they will never give up.   But there are others, who may be longing to find someone like me, but who have been discouraged and who have given up all hope and are not actively searching anymore.   For them, caring people suggesting matches could make such a difference.   Maybe it would be the difference between existing and living.