I am a woman born 1949 and my quest is to find a mindmate
to grow old together as a mutually devoted couple
in a relationship based upon the
egalitarian rational commitment paradigm
bonded by intrinsic commitment
as each other's safe haven and secure basis.

The purpose of this blog is to enable the right man
to recognize us as reciprocal mindmates and
to encourage him to contact me:

The entries directly concerning,
who could be my mindmate,
are mainly at the beginning.
If this is your predominant interest,
I suggest to read this blog in the same order
as it was written, following the numbers.

I am German, therefore my English is sometimes faulty.

Maybe you have stumbled upon this blog not as a potential match.
Please wait a short moment before zapping.

Do you know anybody, who could be my mindmate?
Your neighbour, brother, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend?
If so, please tell him to look at this blog.
While you have no reason to do this for me,
a stranger, maybe you can make someone happy, for whom you care.

Do you have your own webpage or blog,
which someone like my mindmate to be found probably reads?
If so, please mention my quest and add a link to this blog.

Friday, December 31, 2010

197. Infatuation, Dominance, Cruelty

Infatuation, Dominance, Cruelty
This continues entry 195 about cruelty and entry 196 about dominance.  

In entry 195 I described a man's cruelty as continued hurtful treatment for a woman in spite of knowing, that she feels hurt.   

In entry 196 I described domination as a man's usurping onesided privileges and advantages from a non consenting woman by using his innate physical strength or the threat thereof.   Would she consent rationally to let him have, what he wishes, it would not be domination.   Being coerced and intimidated hurts.  

That means, domination is a form of cruelty.    A man with caring love for a woman, for whom cruelty to the beloved woman is a taboo, logically does not dominate her.   He perceives, treats and considers her as an equal.   
Therefore the absence of caring love is the precondition enabling or determining a man's domination.  

A rational woman can avoid to be treated with cruel domination by avoiding to get under the power of a cruel jerk, she attempts to find a man with caring love.  
But if all women were as rational as that and no woman would ever get herself into the ordeal of being dominated, then by natural selection the greater physical strength of men and their ability to dominate would disappear.     Instead they seem to have evolved serving a purpose in the survival of the species, which unfortunately is paid for by the cost of the suffering of the individual. 

While a hypoanimalistic woman can use her brain to avoid dominating men, evolution has blurred the more instinct driven women's judgement by the combination of the procreation instinct and the trap of infatuation.  

Infatuation means a strong attraction of two bodies, while there is no or little other attraction.   If there were an attraction of the mind, the intellect, the personality, then dominating a woman and using her as a utility would be a contradiction to this attraction.    A man's attraction to a woman's intellectual capacities and personality leads to the logical requirement for a man to consider and treat her as an equal.    Only the absence of such an attraction and a considerable infatuation with her body allow a man to logically justify to himself to dominate her.     

A man gets infatuated with a woman's body for his physical needs without feeling caring love for her.   A woman with a breeding urge also gets infatuated, but mainly with some signals from a specific man's body by the instinctive choice of him having the best genes for the prospect of healthy offspring.   

An infatuated man hides his true intentions, he postpones domination and cruelty, until he has his prey trapped under his power.   The woman misinterprets his initial fake caring behavior as if he had true caring love for her, and her own infatuation leads her into the trap.    As soon as the man has control over her, the mask of care falls and the cruel domination starts.     If the woman is a breeder and a man has gained power over a woman, he can use this power to keep her vulnerable and depending by the coercion to procreate.  

There can be the less drastic case, when a woman loves a man, who is only infatuated with her body.   But she is not a breeder or she has not yet been made vulnerable by breeding.    If she only gets aware of his domination after having got involved by mistake, having had the delusion to be loved with care, at least she can end her being exposed to cruelty by ending the relationship. 

Infatuation is a trap for both genders.   A man's infatuation can get him into a lifelong obligation to provide financially for offspring that he never wanted.    But his trap is limited to the legal requirements.    His innate power to choose to dominate allows him to burden all the painful consequences of the fatal initial infatuation upon the woman.    

An infatuated man is a huge risk of suffering for a woman.    A man, who chooses a woman by her personal qualities without being infatuated, is much less of a risk.